pyschotic misery
life is full of shit
i dont know what to do with myself
beside perishing it
the more i try to unravel myself
the more desires are self knitting itself
inevitable dramatic soul crush and burn..............

ranting about my whole existence

`leh le ke jau kiya?` he asked
`Bhag yeh se,dus minute badh ana, abhi bottle khali nahi huwa hai~ Seemanta Da said
~wait guys, don`t be so sharp on this little kid~ i said
`Yeha ana` i said
`Mein` that little kid startled
`Let him go dude, why are you bugging him` seemanta da said
`Wait guys am just asking him his name` i said
` kiya naam hai tumhara?`
`Arjun` he said
`arjun . pura naam kiya hai?`
`Arjun Singh` arjun said
`toh arjun raat ke 10 baje tum yeha kiya kar rahe ho. Tumhe to ghar mein honna chaliya na` i asked
`Pitaji ne kaha hai beer ke khali bottle jama karne ko.`
`lekin kiyo`
` taki pitaji kal ko yeh bech sake` arjun said
I don’t know what to say to Arjun. Really i was at a dry spell. Neither he had anything to say to me.Arjun was looking at me or was he looking and gauging how miserable I was at that time. Seemed his innocence was rummaging for humanity inside me as he was looking at me. Or was I thinking a lot. Maybe..What I was doing at that time, I felt so paralysed at that time. Devoid of all sense ,like so static. Like all the things around, all the words spoken were juxtaposing to avail some sense to the ambience. A thing which was true and seamlessly All stuffing gulps of beer making my head to object. So shameless I was. Why we breathe. Why we live? Each things into my hollow mouth seemed like i was eating and squandering someone’s hard toiled money. And i was idling and guzzling. I went to tread on the lane nostalgia. What i did as a kid? Yellowed mark school sheets, spool of mothers love and fathers care. I was fortunate. Being still from the absurdities of life as my father maintained life which was so upside down. I am still procrastinating the value of this existence. I couldn’t look at Arjun eyes that night. What could i say? I couldn’t show sympathy. So I didn’t say a word. This was our game. Life is a game. Everyone have to play for some the rules are much harder compared to us. After all we play. Some win after losing a lot while some lose after winning a lot. We managed to get good education, and many more allays. While we sometime fail to gain love, life . Still we play. Whole life in hope of gaining. we depend on others to gain what’s impending . We make new relation, we forget old relationship. In delving love and life. We play. We play with feeling s.
it will happen all over again again and again. I remember when i was a child and i used to on top of piles of dirt in my Saturday white school uniform clothes and mouthed tiny strategies under our parents' watchful eyes. How they used to scold us and wash them for us. Now all the innocence is gone. As i sat on the parapet by the beer shop i could feel the tiny water droplet streaming down by grip. I was so pensive. I lived my life. While arjun is still a toddler on the walk of life and for him life is just so difficult. He roams and by nocturnal hours he gathers empty beer bottles. Whole day he is busy dilly dallying. And as a kid i used to do the same on schoolyards .we were an army of grass throwers that surrounded bullies and teachers. We even wasted our childhood but we were mentored well. We didn’t know at that time that we were doing all this for something . Something like connecting the dots. Life can only be understood when we look back . In reverse it becomes so easy to connect the dots. But in the end we all say we are not happy. When we were children we scribbled little plans on pieces of scrap paper. What we wanted to be when we grow up. We were so aimless yet we were so happy. Each day we were so pious, each day we were so devoid of jealously. All we cared about making friends and playing. Now as we are grown up and our tiny games have converted into building giant talking machines. Making new plans. Buying new home. Buying new things to make our life better. Are we really making our life better? . or we are pushing ourselves unknowingly to more into a state of illusionary happiness. How old paper cutting of super heroes and cartoon out of old newspapers and comic strip are now replaced by scientific journal and collage degrees but then also we are not happy..And how empty shell of coconut are replaced by empty beer bottles. Still we are not happy. We planned to run away from this life . we plan vacations but what whom were deceiving. When we were children we built the tiniest cities out of sand so we could break them and build all over. But we were happy . Now we dream to live in big cities to make ourselves happy. We still complain . Our disgruntling attitude will never be content. in Oder to gain something we need to learn how to sacrifice but we don’t wanna put ourselves in much trouble. We want everything at an ease. We all live a life of delusion. We are all self deluding souls. We see what we want to see. Tired and scared, we don’t wanna scratch the normal diagrams in the dust to find a meaning. We don’t wanna dirt our hands. We’ve really lost our maps which could navigate us to the destination of so called life. We listen to stupid television which is running when nothing is free. We watch social drama. But we don’t have time to listen to the humming of tiny birds. Chirpings of home sparrow and recite to ourselves to their songs . We forgot our childhood. What we wrote when we were, once, children. How we used to watch those moments we so much curiosity. How come we are so changed person now? What wrong. The less we know the more happy we were. As I streamed down beer all i could hear was reminiscing whispers of my childhood days. But at the same time all I could hear was wrinkled breaths of this guy standing next to me, and many more photographs of numerous such kids like Arjun. Coming out of me like shrapnel and hitting me.
As i up my head i can see many small kids are waiting by many people who were drinking their beer standing.some on their bikes. And some sitting next to us. These kids are like little scavengers who are waiting like voracious to devour the cadaver. And arjun was like our scavengers, it’s like pre booking the empty bottle from the person who is drinking it. So arjun was waiting next to us so that he can collect these empty beer bottles for us. I was not sure about why he is so interested in gathering empty bottles from us. But arjun said his father used to sell these bottle for money. He collects these bottle form different people. After little of enquiry i came to know that for each empty bottle his father will get 2 rupees and arjun use to collect like 30-40 bottle every night. He waits and collects bottle till mid night. For dinner he used to eat nothing. His father used to pick him for home late night. His father works in a nearby local beer bar. We guys used to go to a bar for our beer or use to buy it from this job and we use to guzzle it in room. But drinking ,standing next to a wine is a new thing for us. And for this we encountered Arjun and his side income source. Its a great revelation for me so far. I don’t know we opted to drink in this beer shop. This place is like inside bit and many people don’t venture near to it. Its kind of dark and kind of filthy. The place is wafting with stench as it was near to a local daily fish market. To add more this place had hell lot a mosquitos. But we opted . We just had one beer each and we were like three guys. This place sucks and pimping. Of course cheap liquor and ranting complains about own personal lives everyone wants to know do . There is a very sleazy side to it. Whole day we complain about life and crow about other people..we raise a person to the sky and then we hit back. We bitch about other people was really exhaust right now and i can read a sign what life wants to show me . i am sick of self deluding my whole existence. After a while I was all gloomy.
`tum kiya school nahi jate` i said
`nahi` arjun said
`kiyo? Tumhe padhna acha nahi lagta? ` i said and frowned
` nahi acha lagta` Arjun said
`kiyo. Tumhare pitaji tumhe school nahi bejhte kiya?
` mein pahle gaon ke school mein jata tha, aur mujhe yeh ke school mein dakihla nahi mil raha kiyo ki mere pass certificate nahi hai.` Arjun said
Hey roop let him go na. Why are you bragging him . he said na he don’t wanna study. So what’s the point of telling him that? See he is so lucky that he don’t have to study. Plus we should not force anyone to do what he doesn’t like. `` My friends said.
How can a little kid of age 9 years decides for himself that he want to study or not. And on the other we guys who are educated are saying why to enforce studies upon someone who don`t want to study. What’s education means after all. I don’t know what’s the difference lies between us. I don`t know what i used to do when i was of his age. I may be happy at that time. Even he is happy. Do education from a top grade universities like Stanford, Caltech ,kellog ,Tuft..Promises you happiness? At the end of the day what the purpose of this existence. All wants to be happy . We finished our bottles and gave those empty bottles to that guy. We grabbed few more bottles and we guys started to talk. Crowing about our parents and society. Somehow or the other we are enmeshed to this society.a lot of things are there that don’t mince with me. But i have to live. Reason i don’t know. I am superior to Arjun from every angle. I am in better position. But why i was feeling more miserable then before. It seemed as if i have become more selfish . more concerned about the things that bothers me rather than mulling over what`s real. I had 700 bucks in my wallet. I thought of giving that money to Arjun but i didn’t. I abstain myself. From what i don`t know. I knew if i would have given that money it would have made no difference in my life. But would that money would have brought any change to Arjun life. I think no. Somehow or the other he would have finished or his father would have. If i give money to poor people will call me a kind hearted guy and if i ask why they are poor, people around will think am a communist.
There are times in my life where i really forget what real education means. As a kid i always learned to love each other, to be kind to people around. Am i really implementing what i was been taught. How will time the value and objective of education changes. Now a days i study to get a degree so that i can earn money. And as a kid we were been taught so that we can inculate values. Why we had subject in school. I have learned many things as a kid. But i don`t remember anything being selfish . From where these desires imbue inside me. How desires still brewing that more i spend time with books and education. Its not a real education. We are getting educated to earn,not to enrich values. We are becoming misthropies as more educated we are becoming. Not necessary. The more desirable we are becoming..

My heart is too dark to care now. My wishes and desires were charred a long time ago. Left with a cremated soul. All of my lies have formed a second skin. The things I only cared; i only wished is to be your friend. I am a morbid product of all the streamline aversion. Sinister urges gushes inside me, all because of me. i was a fool. Do you even care? Please claw me away from you now. My life is condemned and i don’t want you to manipulate what’s inside me. I want to sum up all the things you used to bracket me as a sobriquet radical. All the transformation is creeping and I am falling more close to that status quo of yours. You didn’t tell me what did i do? Each thought are decaying me from inside. Like a pulse of a maggot. My thoughts are more of a fragmented chaos now.. My head is defiled by those reminiscences. I still miss your face. Some part of me is still somewhere in you. That world of your dead memories, where my mind venture writhe me . I try hard to get rid of it but it’s too tangible to draw myself back. I have nothing to say now. Am a left over desolate creature and i can’t stand on my ground. I am locked in a nightmare now and the key is you.The air i breathe reminds me of you. Air i breathe seems like a cage now. All i got now is hatred. i stripped down my life to you but you spit it away. Each fragment seems to culminate now to imbue more loathe to this existence. Please come back and love me. I want to tear away each part of my goddamn body now . Else you execute me fucker. I don`t want to reshape myself. You extorted me with a sweet smile. So subtle, so succulent. That’s it I want to draw a line now. I can feel the loathe creeping in. Come smear me whole with you bitter words. But you smiled when you gifted me grief. Give me any repaired reason to live. What’s done is done. You can’t take me away from me anymore. I rather die than to consume your memories like fire.

Feelings

Namaskaram bloggers and blood suckers :P!!

I am very much fine and my mind needs some pabulum or anything to keep myself away from all these. Whats happening. I have been rouse from sleep since 7 am. Its Sunday ugly morning and I am still confused what to do. All these while I was listening to White Stripes one song ~ You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told)~. Literally I raped the next button..I suspect all the things now, don’t know why..I don’t know what lerve is .I just do what am not to..From the morning a visage is floating inside. I try hard not to but my sensory inputs keeps on falling into its vicinity. This blog post is little early for all these I believe.. but whatever. My blog is another one of those wonderful things which I love..How many bad times I have ward off ,sublimating my mental anguish and frustration with it. Whenever the wallpaper of my life crumbled from people cunning endeavor ,it was there. Its like one of those things sometimes found in old school/college autograph/slam books /scrap notebook where we write. Though I never had any lol. So many things are churning inside my head .This snazzy little thing that happened to me. And I can’t get it out of my head. Seems my inner chrome is daubed by the colour of repeated ricochet. Wish I could unfurl what’s inside me. But I don’t want to make a mockery of the lined up things. Fuck, here I am raving about it again (yeah again)! Well not directly this time, but am afraid to type all .as I close my eyes, I went blind. But in the distant alley of my mind lane I can see someone waiting. As I dare myself to walk, that blurred up face comes alive and I open my eyes. Addition to all the things of one projects that have been popping up all is having all my attention. I am really scared sometimes. My inner self knows with bamboo and straw I can`t build a concrete home. All I can do now is sniffing what inside me like the pages of an old book. Books which I cajole like a sweet dumpees. Wish people could be like those. Always there. Wish humans and feelings could be like that. The air seems to be polluted with her sweet rumination now. And unfortunately i am that reader. I can’t resist the smell of those yellow pages of her face. I keep turning them to find a meaning. Every time they tease me with its genteel gawky touch. Like a irresistible karmic energy am falling into its cyclotron. In the labyrinth I am lost. What’s this ??. The shackles are invisible yet am tamed to a unnamed feeling. That image is floating in upper department because am kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the person making. Slowly each day, each acquaintance is a straight forward framework. It was never been so complicated. How to find a synchronize each things from thought to action . its magical I must say. I don’t want sing that most emaciated vocal cords like others. My head nerve plays little bit of acoustic rock, thrown to measure the effect caused. Icy thumbs to every thoughts. A everlasting echo ripples and die at my own lerve banks. Something is mystical about that façade. I am lost in my own sky ,the same feeling after I binge myself with that sweet face. It’s a bitter sweet feeling though.

inner voices

Trying hard to write what is within me.im hearing voices and i hope my brain power allows me to put them into words.im looking at this box for like half an hour an sorting out what to write.how to get an inceptionwhat i have achieved and i have lost in finding those.in the venture oof life to add things in the kettle of fish i have lost a lot.im not blessed like my counterparts.got nothing as a patrimony else my life could have been more pretty to me..I dunno whats going on in the mere futility of wat could be called my life.This banal existence has been far too dreadful for it to be a memorable experience. Experiencin a life such as this has spurned me into believin a life full of negativity and failure!!!!!!!!! i dunno how to unfurl myself.but lemme try.let my words sink deep within.When did we forget our dreams? The infinite possibilities that each day holds should stagger the mind. The shear number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here pressing F5. We live in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a few paths ahead of us. We see the same things each day, respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, every day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curve of societal norms. We act like if we can just get through today, our dreams will come back to us. And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: The solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday erasing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. This is very important so i want to say it as clearly as I can : FUCK. THAT. SHIT. People concern themselves with being normal, rather than natural. I'm not normal. Normality is an illusion. .: As we do at such times, I turned on myself and went through the motions of normalcy on the outside, so that I could concentrate all my powers on surviving the near-mortal wound inside. I'll be {RANDOM} but there's not such thing as random as it all comes out of somewhere. Some memory. “Creativity is the ability to introduce order into the randomness of nature. Life has no meaning the moment you lose the illusion of being eternal. That's sort of what I believe in. But maybe living in the moment is the meaning of "LIFE".SAMSARA(continous motion) is what im hooked to now..a line which holds true to my ground. I like to think things through, and decide if they're worth the second. Ha... :) Reminded of anything? I try to sort it out... Mess is fun though :) But in the end you'll have to decide between whats right and what's easy. Oh...Ladies and Gentlemen, get cracking for my favorite quote: After all, to the well organized mind, death is just another great adventure. There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will so don't worry about the people from your past...there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.Maybe it's all because you can never plan the future by the past. And because to die is too much of an adventure, I'll live forever. I just have nothing to say most of the time. But when I do participate in conversation, I'm an open book (reasonably speaking) and I like questions. They're pretty direct and to the point. I'm blunt (sometimes), but polite. I don't understand this "brutally honest" bullshit,. I befriend those of all shapes, sizes, colors, genres, and beliefs, provided they're not some cookie-cutter copy and have something interesting to say. You never know what you can learn. I don't live some extraordinary life; I'm pretty average, I suppose, and I'm content with it. I can be goofy, but I know how to be serious [when the situation calls for it]. I don't think there needs to be a reason for everything. I donno what I could say that couldn't be judged as this or that. So, basically I'm going to say… Fu in advanced, for the possibility of chocking me up to a simple word, and putting me into standardized totalitarianism box

scathing

why after last night's fight you had to call...this orgy of pain is starting to bore to me now
i never called you traitor in a derogatory way..only when you hold ur words me and dont respond.so without you is okay.when you come back will see what changed
how things will transpire forever.just remember you ran again i cant promise compromise
you betrayed me and injected the last of your venom.into my normal system
i want to lynch you right now..but your off somewhere far from my hate
but really i dont feel anything i wish i kill u because its you my project hatred.you love chasing for you. i never thought you could be this coward..im not insane but if my regime has to be a reason for leaving me..then get lost .then when you come back you better give me a fat stack ill be your side rip u until i get bored and instigate my physical attacks
i know you well ppl remember i can read your optics's..thats why you cant say goodbye before making me foul motor mouth blast.

existence(wrote in classroom)

How slowly a sudden upthrust seems to amputate my head like a chainsaw. Like Creeping tiny rustic bug,its a malady and its escalating inside me. Another free failing reason to make myself push harder to the oblivion of infinite creek of darkened abyss.How every relation seems to deflate and sh rinked. I try to fight ,but my body is calcified. each unit revolve around like a aphasia.Seems am dumb fucked by the intricacies of finding a meaning,finding joy..I need a sanguine hope to keep my social buoyant alive..succumbed to a war which i didn't fight . A combat with my paraphernalia..a fight with my inner hatred..Now i `ve aversion towards each thing.each fringes of time and things seems to rage..life sings a dirge and i am waiting for the darkness to assuage my pain..life is a fallacy to me now..each second seems like a plumbing writhe ready with its tangible clutches to engulf me..i try to run but i cant . this world seems like a undefined place to me now..slowly am cringing to a self destructive existence

pent up frustrations within me----really need to put some mature filter on it more :P

Reporting live from the torpid life of mine after getting inebriated .() as f***.. About ten minutes back I had one of those moments in which you forget about your life and are seized by an epiphany happiness that cannot be explained. I was looking at my computer and browsing fb.i don’t do anything on fb. Just i go to profile and change my profile pic. . But i realised its a bizarre after all. So surreal. Who am i deceiving? Living like a laboured -scribbled, failure every time. Im driven by the mere failure every fucking time. i try to start afresh with my might but so quietly everything refuses to hum along. My head nerves screaming and blaming. Beckoning for calm. Fuck i with never understand my heads modusoperandi . How it controls my senses and how it leads me every day. My body and my head .HOW-IT sync?? Im clueless. Sometime i think i should leave this place and kill myself. I sick of this SO-CALLED-LIFE..sleeping|eating|shitting| working. Where is life in between it..Now i know i write too much of myself realization bullshits. but I’m stumped of topics. What to write about. I m left with no goods friends to share my time or any friend who can make me realise who b`ful this world is...anyway fuckthatshit. Sometime i got sms or calls from friends. After bending to social pressure and replying them my mind cringe to the fact that do i ever knew them. Sometime i feel so lost. So dumbfuck about the whole meaning of existence. I walk through the same drab streets but still find myself lost..How will i know am i heading to the right direction when i don’teven know which way am facing.Every facade reads sings WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF CATHARSIS. Every motherfucker got his own morose tale to sing. Every time i meet ppl everyone got a song about life. fuck the song remains the same.sad song. I’m at a loss of intelligent phrasing right now and but i have no qualms about streaming it down. before more weird thoughts bucks inside my head and bends with its pressure and force me to write it down . i should hit the PUBLISH button and quit. because I am lazy sloth and presently incapable of writing anything myself.Gosh such a raving lunatic anomaly from the effect of booze that I couldn't help myself even. So I found my will to be weird.

FUCK THIS SHIT!! :D

Deity Thoughts

I woke up like sprightly yellow daffodils awake. I woke up with a weary head..my dishevelled hair seemed like each hair was combating with each other. I decked up in a blue shirt and jeans. I was forced to unfurl myself to the sunlight, though i wasn`t at all in a pep to drive myself to the threshold of my Polymer department. Why should i go to place which don’t lure me? i was asked to come for Dusshrea celebration .I am a atheist, sometime agonistic. And most of the time I am profane. I never understood why mortal worship.The more i study religion the more am convinced that men never worship anything but himself. Its like a puzzling interplay which fiends my mental chrome every now and then . Am not a religious zealot to blindly follow what my head don’t want me to.I am a rational thinker and i need points which could sync with everything.. I am not conditioned like other kids,who follow everything their parents inundate their head with .Me on my brain. My brain on others. Both are two different things . Others eyes on me. i eye them. I (eye) realise / real (eyes). What was i doing on such a ascetic place.i had a lot of things going around to crow about. I don`t think that was a pious place either.everyone was romping doing many things which were not relevant either. Half of them or most of them were just blind followers..Each thing is believed to be a harbinger of some good proceedings’. That i believe. My department nexus was good. My rapport with my batch mates is good as far as i know. Most of them have an envisage about me as a insincere bloke . i was not attentive . i was not good with my assignments . i will flung in my mid term. i will try to be good in due course so that they don`t churn any uncanny knack of dabbling towards my indifference .anyway back to the nexus,some seniors MTECH & P.Hd tried some conducting session where we junior had to showcase our talents which we harboured. They tried to bandwidth the ambit of rapport between we people.its good. Me on my lack of focus. Me on my boredom during the nexus. Me on the pressure inside my head.i was been subjected to hell lotta entropy and i wasn`t pleased.Some senior were skeptical as they were carrying a bullshit stance about themselves. Actually its common among many ICTi-an to carry their stance on their shoulders.i was made to sing. And i sang. So much time had passed between all of us and i began to feel disturbed now. It was a situation more of a gormless type .Despite the dive-bombs, I still tried to get in good with all. I put a fake smell . That ended me being a lobcock , bored..As i am hunching infront of my laptop and typing all these. I kinda flashbacked self, where colour was sepia.How Durga pooja used to be in Guwahati .What`s the difference between Durga Puja and Dushrea. First time i celebrated something like this.A demo-version type though. Many emotions and feelings are now encapsulating me and starting to make a mosaics. I miss my Mum and my family now. It’s been 1.5 years i haven’t been to my domicile. My beloved Guwahati. My mother didn’t pamper me, like most cats. But cared /care about me.. How sometimes she stroked my t-shirt gently. On my second stroke she hissed and swiped at my face. I reacted and yelled, swiping at her face. We sat eye to eye and declared war.lol i used to get annoyed. Mother can be bug-bear sometimes. And chewing my head seems to be my sister favourite past time. Whenever my sister STD call wings and stalk my phone . i am dumb-folded. I knew she is going to ask me myriad of questions... like blah blah blah blah... Like from food to every thing. If i say i am dodging up!! she will say I’m calling you not the vice versa.SO TALK
Anyway never mind.
People who loves you ,cares about you unfurl a happy yellow fan within your soul and life. And in return you spread happiness at day break. But now am intoxicated with thoughts; uff i mean the things, Grrr i mean the deity thought.. at last bliss they gave in pensive hours, i was hungry and my belly was reading zero bites(bytes). Pugnacious rats were running like manic inside my tummy at that time.. Something was bothering my stomach and i really need something to gorge for.

I drink heavily some thoughts about something at that time and i headed to where food was served.. Sorry it took a while to update that. My taste buds were now diagonally parked and i ddidnt bother about taste and all.. my inner glutton was roaring and i needed stuffs to make him happy.food is pretty nonspecific .i cant name each of the food delicacies . The gourmet looked scrumptious .My eyes were eating rather then my mouth. substantiates my hunger. Thank God, it appeared/tasted - not much spicy gourmet... It's such a weird thing to try and explain to people, even those closest to me, how bored I was after all those things which juxtaposed or physical activities .At last it ended. It sounds as if I am just some lazy guy who wants to do nothing but get high on the couch and watch reality television or sit duck infornt of my juggler box :P lol
...oh shit...maybe I am lazy. Yeah am . i love my room. This room seems like a extended version of me. I got things which i love, my things. I do like a good company. I like to gel with people who come from the same slot of society. But i do have a respect for the people who fringe dwell from other slots.. all are lovely, all are good.. this world is so b`ful because we all are different. I don’t live in a isolated German bunker . i do gel. Am not plastic. But people from my batch don’t mince with this thought of mine. We all have opposite pocket qualities. Its repugnant to bleak out what inside me. But am streaming down all those things with honesty . I AM BORED most of the time i am like hiding like a sun hating earthworm .
But this fatigue is different. It's debilitating and it screws up my emotions.i want a life now. It allows weird , disturbing thoughts to enter my head with ease. It's like my emotional defenses are down once the fatigue sets in. I need a assiduous preparation . i need something substantial to dig myself into..but boredom is like a menace that has eaten the entrails of my head. I cant think . i cant be creative.

For instance, I happened to be on the couch(i mean bed) foraying Internet . i read about Facebook status. A group of moron found out that have a knack for stupidity. Big news!!!!!!!. They cheered and hugged each other and tagging each other. And it makes me more morose . People around seems to have a good life . some left India to the promise of good education and some are having pooja in Guwahti .while I sat here crying from excitement. God!!!!!

I told this to a friend and the immediate response was: "Mera bhi kuch aisa hi hai." If everyone is sad who is gay then??


It's pretty sad. I don’t have work apart from watching videos whole day in youtube and dallying with my time with my roommate in Munna canteen .people around things i will open to them for celebrating some good news.i am sick idling my time .i need a sane group.and its been a long time i haven’t wrote anything for my blog. . Now what am I talking about?*scratching head* actually am at a topic dearth . so i am just writing what my gray cells are commanding to my fingers . I'm talking about words and how this feels like an pulsating lifeless zombie across the page. Im coming in hard on this one.im submerge in madness ..its turns up out, my core competencies are snuggling and yawing whole night in front of laptop watching movies and proving myself to be vigil idiot.. and resulting a whole day sleep . it seems to be a daily dose of reality now.back to reality now with force from lightning to make some sense... I'm realizing now that there is room for this in my life. I lay crouched, hidden from your sight, culminating many facts about today and past life of sensory experience. my life is kinda okay though i have nothing to marvel about.