album reviews

Dark Carnage (cover art by my best pal Suman Dey)

My Iron Maiden DVDs shipment

AGNOSTIC underground band from Guwahati

ALIEN GODS awesome band from Auranchal Pradesh ..talent musicians

THEORIZED from B`lore..haven't listened to them yet

An old pic of my room..my teenage angst paid off well it seems :)

Her School certificate name is Bulu Nath (sister)

Finally she agreed to the camera man`s call and donned  for the pic..And the joyous cameraman mugged her with all her flirtatious smile jabbed with that suppressed tenacious boiling laugh.. and i am too all ready for that smirk.

Gogoi family

Time- 8.26 pm

Location- Home,using desktop

Finally after years I am at home. Everything seems so clean and perfect here. Things are still on the same place as i left it. My books, my music and other things.. Of a late I was busy reading Ashirwad Gogoi`s Book `Patriot`, He was 13 th years old when he penned this book down. And what is shocking is that this book is coming out as a cerebral imagination from such a young writer. Its not at all teenage spiel or any simple easy story.its complex war tactics and chronicles.. A serious literary work which needs lot of information. Its is a thriller.. a mysterious story about a guy Josh, the protagonist of the plot.He lynched his own father who sends  bombers to efface America .He did it all to save his country. Thankfully such a brilliant work coming from such a young lad . I talked to him yesterday and he got my free copy signed too. we had lunch together and we shared some quality time together at his home. Annaya(Ashriwad sister) ordered fried rice and paneer. she is sweet and her hospitality was really awesome. she is so humble and generous and free going. I like her stance

Morning time i met annaya at her bus stop(beltola). i called and we decided to meet. then after we went to CCD Bhanghar HUB..we round up over cold coffee and we talked.. later she took me to her home. and we talked there too.. she showed me some of her sketches. she is a gifted . her sketches are beyond my reign of words to do any beauty  justice. she is just too good. by 2.30 pm Ashirwad was back from his school, i was all eager to meet him. Annaya asked to have lunch with them, so i accepted it.

After this sojourn at their home, Annanya dropped me upto bus stoppage. I flit her goodbye and boarded bus to my home happily. i finished Ashirwad`s book just now. its 177 pages.. a nice plot covering two years tale ,events that led to the war between America and Mexico . A tale about love,betrayl . I need to finish it before I leave for Mumbai..

my next read will be Siddhart Dhanvant Shanghvi, the lost flamingos of mumbai. Just read few pages at airport and plane..I was just  sauntering at airport . i was bored sitting like a dead weight and observing peoples . So i stalked mumbai airport Landmark. i was chumming my eye through the sea of books.my eyes  darted at this book. i know about Siddhart Dhanvant Shanghvi while on a lazy sunday i was leafing through the sunday morning suppliment of Hindustan times. i was rived by his dedt style of writing and the article. I rummaged about him more on Internet and read couple of his literary work. So I picked it up.. its by Penguin Publication pages 347 and MRP Rs 399.. bye for now.. dinner time 

Fireflies

Tress of her hail flipping by the back of her head..dark toned skin and pale eyes. Clad in blue salwar kameez which was dangling precariously by the back door of the Mumbai ,transport  still many thoughts were beckoning her. I had to travel to pune shivaji nagar and I was standing on dadar private . exams over so I am having  a lot of time to waste. I was not in a hurry and I had  money too. I noticed her and glancing her for couple of times as I was sipping from coke. I was noticing all the people around.

The buses  was stopping tentatively, seemed the bus driver was not making his mind. When he reached the bus stop he forced the brakes..this trait is uncommon to the all bus driver. So many people rushed to board it. In a jiffy everything changed. The chaos seems unordered. Ordered chaos in a waved bus stop. Bus was already occupied and people are hovering to board. I wonder why.

This girl failed to board.. I didn’t try only. I was the one standing and taking it easy among all commuters .  what can I do to broke all semblance of made up discipline and process from the bus and boarding it.

Next bus to pune stopped. Slowed and stopped . havoc of streaming fidgety brewed. Bus was almost empty. More loonier than the pessengers inside.. this girl doesn’t seems Marathi or maharashtrain . may be new to Mumbai. The restlness in her eye was appealing. She wasn`t flat feet with transport. The bus was empty still she was hanging by the back door. The bus moved . bus conductor asked that nubile to grab a seat.. she sat to the vacant seat next to her..she was in plain restlessness . she scrolled her mobile and phoned someone. . she was looking back again and again. I cant  understand why she boarded the bus if she was expecting someone.  I tried had to eavesdrop but can`t. I think she wanted to get down . she asked the conductor to stop the bus. The bus was pacing up.. conductor jangled the rope as he was sitting on the first seat.

I was gobsmacked to she thay she jumped out of the moving bus and in a recovered time as fell flat on her face. I was annoyed at the driver that he didn’t stop it.  Even my little bit of annoyance was directed towards  her. People here take everything for granted.

The bus stopped and even I got down .

She stood up and cleared up the dust.

Listen? `I asked

Her eyes strained to see me. She had this strange expression and a vacant look on her face.

~yes?` she replied

~are you hurt? ~

Na its fine.. thanks ~

She checked me which a scan and started walking. .i was like on a standby mode..

She was looking for her watch as she walked. I think slipped it somewhere. She walked back to find it. Its was a bit dark. So I thought of helping her out. By the time she was near to me I found it and forwarded it to her..

Thanks` she said

She was listening to her watch and her eyes were fixed in the distance.

I thought how unusual but when she took out her white walking stick from her hand bag, that time I realized she was blind.

She walked on..

I disarm that smirk and flaunt my hair and kick the ground to puff up a dust..as I walked I wondered what was the purpose of this girl to catch that bus and whom she called and why she got down of the bus without much a thought..

last night

last night winged up things..a bottle of Heineken and few dotted condoms..
I can`t explain the pain of the orgy..the fused up masturbation
the stripped black bra of yours with metal studs by my side..
I am sick of mixing women`s tear with bear..
the marijuana joints and the puffed up cigarettes butts..
my dopey eyes..my hands are hooked to the chakra of your bra,,
your fondling and kisses brings me warmth
the demon in me is caressing the flesh and your voluptuous boobs..
a tit for the fucking twat..
essence of obscurity..
I passed down..
your are not the one with whom i can fancy a chat now..
I am so out of love and so filled with lust
herbicidal essence cumed with sexual fiend
a vagina beeps and rebooting like a bloated up cherry
the bonding to be a sane guy is organismic
the uptempo`s and hiccups at the speed of magazine..
I am so fucking dissipated like the smoked up marijuana

Need your loving ..needless to say

My foible heart(not meant for loving  )
09/05/2012
I don’t know when I slowly killed my conscious to the pangs of slumber. Till 1 am i was in the association of devotees. Glorifying the lord and eating sweets. After while I was listening to George Harrison`s (The Beatles) songs. The lyrics about God – Anthology volume 3 .  Its sculptured in simple words but the meaning is quite deep and enriching . What is permanent in this world is not permanent. I watched some videos on youtube regarding Albert Einstein who was a follower of Bhagvad Gita. Metaphysics and understanding its intricacies though vedic scriptures. A line from gita which pushed him to know about facts which also helped him to get this nobel award in 1905(i am not sure about the year)  hare rama hare Krishna...
Its 1.00 am I surrender myself to my cosy bed. I was on headphone and my head was supine. I cant change my position because of this big headphone.
I was asleep when you phoned me last night.
Roop- hello?
Ruth- awake?
Roop- yeah else I wont be replying this call.
Ruth- so what you were doing?
Roop- nothing much I am forced to embark on a perilous mission..to save the innocent from the hands of enemies.
Ruth- what ?????????*quite loud*
Roop- eku nohoi . i was asleep. What about you?
Ruth- nothing much...
Roop- don`t you have anything productive too do?
Ruth- na
Roop- fine
Ruth- so what are you going to do now?
I don`t know why she asked me that .. coz the answer was hidden .just raise the facts and understand it.
Roop- i haven’t thought. If i would have i wont be talking over this phone..see??
Ruth- why are so cranky all the time..
Roop- I am not cranky. My slurs are sarcastic , thats it.
Ruth- and what` new?
Roop- for the time being ???? I am finding my cell phone quite vivid, incandescent..I want to smash up those things which are vivid in my life.
Ruth- huh?
Roop- nothing..
Ruth – blah blah
I was irked out. I was all sleepy but i can keep my eyes open. I don’t need your loving, needless to say. I won’t say a word..just let me love you in my own way. Don’t stick out your tongue. Cause I am not the one. I hate to talk over phone. I find it so intrusive. If you are missing me and wanna talk to me ,why are you making me a part of it..I almost forgot about you. I dunno why after 4 months you called me . This orgy of feelings that is creating havoc in you. What i did? Being inert and living my life to my free will… That`s the problem with you .  if your head is occupied with my thoughts why don`t you creep elsewhere. Girl you are perfect and your face can lend thousand ships but spare me my privacy . and my years in resistance had only earn me to be more stringent about hardening a lot of emotions. Emotions and all these things are so subtle yet the magnitude of harm they do is so much. Still i am trying hard to know the difference about infatuation and love.
You are in love with me while i am not .love is loving a person when that person is not around you. That person thoughts keeps fluttering and whirring inside you without having a control over yourself. Its hard not to think about that special person. How much you may not try ,you will miss that person. And that`s the divine love which last long for month and months. Thats love and not infatuation irrespective of all.. It’s not your fault. You have said this to  me,like three times-- that my thoughts swarms every now and then. But what am i supposed to do?
I dunno want to be a part of anyone`s life. But does that make me a pariah? A cruel person. You cried and narrated about your pain. You hold yourself back from not calling but these resistance is so assimilating. It’s so futile , i don`t understand if a guy is awfully candid that doesn’t mean he is into  you.  Why don`t you get yourself a new guy, i bet there are cartload of them with fancy degree and intellectual level, earning like shits. But i prefer to die and stay in my own baroque and die alone.
I was on phone for upto 5 am in the morning.my eyes are dopey .still i was yapping like a fool to her. My battery was draining out but I cant dodge off your call. I am worried about you.. i do care ..Oh stupid come out from the dark. The breeze of love is deceiving. Love is a snarl of fury. In this last 8 years, i had numerous encounters with females. All are so diverse in their way of thinking.. I have tasted all illusion  what this life had to offer. Not anymore , i don’t care. Gopla krisna govinda gopala jay jay. O m hari Om rama rama. I am no more interested in this materialistic world. Fancy salary, good degree from a good college, cloths. I don’t care. Feelings are replaceable. Everything is self created.Spiritual life is the enternal bliss..now a days I am really happy about the purity inside my head. Knowing who really I am .

I had to write

Date- 03-05-2012
Location-self made ghettos
 Back from blog hiatus. Oh my darling  I missed you so. I ws away from internet and blogging..So if you will permit me,I would like to write something..So what to track out down with. I will stem everything that`s revolving around my so called burgeoning-social-life. Man its seems I been forced to stay in a isle with people who got different taste in their lives. . the cells inside me are folded into irregularities.. i find regularities in the life i want to life. After all that the meaning of the word freedom.
Exams are still on and I must dare say I will flung badly. Exams are what parameter??? To judge the temperamental and schmuck-field side of me. I hate to study and i love to proclaim it with a facile. All these days I was  busy reading something and playing with my mobile camera. I was taking snaps of random things from my room.. yeah i read few books these month. I mean last month as i had nothing to do.
Book Reviews-
1.The average Indian male by Cyrus Brocha. His second book. Its good. I have read his first book `Karl Aaj aur kal` likeback in 2010 when I was in Baroda.  . It was fucking hilarious. How thwo guys  had chosen the media line and how finds it hard to juggle life. I am going to dial back to this current book. This is subjected to all male entities residing in the diff geographical areas of Indian. So fucking diverse . Comparing the battling life of male species and reading it was really fun. The bastard species. Its so different than this book ~males are from mars and women are from venus~ by John Gray I guess. I dunno remember the author`s name.  Indian male seems to be the fodder for writes, tv serial and what not.
Whats with Indian Male? For exampli gratia ..They don’t stream it now a days. I liked it so much. Ah the anchor Indarani Dasgupta. her curly tress looks so good on her chiselled face. I love her. Fuck Indian tv should bubble up more with such succulent gossips and serial. Complaining everything is always good.
Second book which I Read is ~The science of self realisation~ by his Divine Grace Bhaktivendata Praphupada. My slake for Spiritual life. I was rived with many facts and the fully baked theory from the existence,birth and death .  Rascals thinking and making civilization? We are not aware where we are heading to when we don`t know which way we are facing. Being a materialistic and deluding into a life which is illusion. This earth is not our real home. We seek for happiness but we are not ready to find the way to the utopian blissful place. Isckon is not about being a social deviant. It’s about discovering the value of existence. Knowing how we really are. I am not asking anyone to accept anything blindly but for god sake don`t reject anything without knowing it too. Blind rejecting something is not good. Vedic life is not a joke. Or those sages were not some crazy nuts to choose a seclude life and to mediate.  To follow a Vedic life is not geriatric style in today`s generation. It`s about watering and sapping the consciousness level. What this lost soul inside us really wants?? .. Else all are just polished two legged animals we  can’t value the soul and want to know which reside in us all. The soul who is longing to confluence with the supreme soul. i.e Krishna
Third book- Re read  Insect are Just like us expect some of them have wings by Khuzhali Manickavel
I got this book like from flipkart. Albeit i have groped for this book in mnay stores. I have aged for it..... for many months. I have read everything what Khuzhali manickavel has wrote so far.,expect those child stories  . She is one of my fav contemporary writer. Hmm i like trishna doshi, nitto das and jhanavi baura too. They are good.. Fine I should stop endorsing my stupid views now.
 I am so sick now(today). i was sleeping off my combiflame and applied vick`s vapour rub. Being lain awake like few hours back. Haven’t studied a single shit for today`s paper. Student of my coeval haven’t bat their eyelids studying. I am worst.
Before exams even I was not doing anything productive. Just listened to Jeff Loomis`s new album on youtube.
Last month was not a good one. Road runner went down and Warner bros bought it. It’s really sad for musicians. And being a Indian I am sad about the Upcoming Indian metal bands too. Demon stealer is the only record company  by sahil makhija which promotes the extreme metal scene. Everything they have to think for talking music as a full time profession. It’s really sad. How so talented musicians are struggling just for people ignorance. No one cares for real music in Indian. So much talented classic musican and other genre musicans. But stupid people will groove to those Indian filmy songs.  Instead of promoting musicans  ,they would prefer to buy liquor or spend it on girl friends s. Piracy is the one of the reason why Road Runner is down today . reason why such long serving record label is effaced from metal scene.. Half of my childhood record are from road runner which i still cherish.  Anyway
What i was been doing all these days  i have wrote it down and what i am going to do now ?
I have to line up things and force them to fall on these slots.
1.    Work on generationirony.com
2.    Need to complete my novel
3.    Start the college project work asap..

6/05/2012
Just had this afternoon siesta. I was really broken from this creepy sweltering atmosphere; the air is dank with humidity. My room is heated up and i cann`t take this ennui anymore. I was feeling lazy and life seems lit bit more crazy. I was reading this Jonathan Stroud `the Golem`s eye THE BARTIMAEUS TRILOGY..Just few pages I have read so far.  The cover seems spooky with this goblin and a spear or javelin with a pentagram shaped thing and  holding a mask. Let`s see how my new read will be. Anyway . right now i am just sitting and looking at my ceiling fan. I am all sloppy and room is heated up. I want to elope from this place now. I don’t feel like sitting here anymore. Sunday noon uff god it seems like a snooze-fest. And sojourn at Kashif room  was more tormenting then hopping around. Till now  i have changed three shirts. I am fucking watery and my body is all stinky. Morning was so whelming , holding a coffee paper cup and alone sitting in reading room leafing some good articles and all.  I prefer this `Eye` from Indian times more than this Brunch of HT. I heartily enjoyed skimming through the pages. Articles are quite adept and the depths of writing style do earn some kind of kudos. I was supposed to go for a hair cut with Sanket but that doofus was busy playing cricket with some other guys. When he is physical present he would be playing cricket on mobile phone or laptop or when he is not around he will be on ground. That’s the vary reason why he uncalled me and didn’t accommodate my request. I said fine.
Sanket want me to study under `my-not-so-welcoming tutelage for tomorrow exams. My outburst tantrum and slangs seemed like flowers to him. Fuck him..Satire !! . i despise all boundaries Subject is Smart polymers.  My notes were already lined and underlined from last mid time study. Again sprawling the pages give me these new feelings. Sanket reiterate whats already done. I don’t understand why people need to know the stuffs exactly as it in notes. Just know the facts and spiel it in exams hall. All my past exams of this semester were bogus. I hardly studied for any exams expect for the first one. I was so ill and sick. I was broken. I couldn`t muster up much strength to leaf through the pages. Alive on Vicks vapour up ointment and few sinarest lozenges .. running nose was giving me a hard time.

There is a slight headache too creeping stealthily in me now . i hate this feelings and informal change in me . it’s something that without saying a word would demand all from me. noiseless infuriating commands me to sleep more. This pain now wants to be a part of my thought pattern. The clock is leering. 3:49 PM. Obscene exams still on the mind. Smart polymers ..gosh smoothing captivating kinda. I am not in my 100 percent for any paper so far. Taking pills and sleeping most of the time.  My every plan for this semester  is cancelled so far. But its fine . ah i thought about you just now and a smile that I didn't know my lips had curled into. I dunno what the frig happened to me. i just hault and your envisage swept like janitor . Ah see there is nothing extra ordinary in me. Nothing!! I have always lived a hollow life and I am rusted to bones.  I still don`t know why my thoughts keeps wobbling  in your virgin esplanade too. You think of me when people are around or when no one is around. How much you may not try, you can’t ignore my presence. Be true to yourself or at least to the heart you carry along. How your heart is romanticised girl??. That bloody cupid ruthlessly pronged your heart. It’s your own intelligence that’s controlling your mind and FALSE EGO. its damn subtle but I know it all. My face is plastered in your conscience like a old green post card stamp. Its fucking hypnotising . marching all day long. You read my name like million times in a day. I m the first thought when you wake up and i am the last thought when you dig your head to pillow. I know many things to keep you special, still the air swirling carries my sweet feelings and fiddles with your attention. But fuck you. This how the story ends. haha I hate the interesting things clashing and time and time i can’t impede myself from falling down. I can’t deny how it feels. How the thought patterns diverts you. Whatever you may not do, you will think of me like many times in a day ... i know it very well. Go get a life darling!! Everything will turn down fine. There is lot of lies in me.. swept the dark abyss of my inner hell.  i hate this when i find myself in misery. I still remember about the affectionate crinkles that formed around my eyes when you hold my hand and plans you made alone. The box of heart chuckles and the surprises open. You face reminds me of how comfortable melancholia can be. But i know we are just friends. I don’t need you.~AND  ALL I LOVED ,I LOVED ALONE~ .
This inner room temp is vying and subdued with more greyness. .. unbearable !!!
 My table is full with notes and this loiter is forming those mojo of a demented craft. I think i should go for a cold drink or so. I shouldnot waste my slip with more words. I should save it.
Just these work which will demand a lot for me. I have to cut down my sleeping hours and  I have to be more emancipative from now on.  and????
I dunno what  the fuck is churning inside your head. But in a nutcase ---FUCK THIS WORLD