My foible heart(not meant for loving )
09/05/2012
I don’t know when I slowly killed my conscious to the pangs of slumber. Till 1 am i was in the association of devotees. Glorifying the lord and eating sweets. After while I was listening to George Harrison`s (The Beatles) songs. The lyrics about God – Anthology volume 3 . Its sculptured in simple words but the meaning is quite deep and enriching . What is permanent in this world is not permanent. I watched some videos on youtube regarding Albert Einstein who was a follower of Bhagvad Gita. Metaphysics and understanding its intricacies though vedic scriptures. A line from gita which pushed him to know about facts which also helped him to get this nobel award in 1905(i am not sure about the year) hare rama hare Krishna...
Its 1.00 am I surrender myself to my cosy bed. I was on headphone and my head was supine. I cant change my position because of this big headphone.
I was asleep when you phoned me last night.
Roop- hello?
Ruth- awake?
Roop- yeah else I wont be replying this call.
Ruth- so what you were doing?
Roop- nothing much I am forced to embark on a perilous mission..to save the innocent from the hands of enemies.
Ruth- what ?????????*quite loud*
Roop- eku nohoi . i was asleep. What about you?
Ruth- nothing much...
Roop- don`t you have anything productive too do?
Ruth- na
Roop- fine
Ruth- so what are you going to do now?
I don`t know why she asked me that .. coz the answer was hidden .just raise the facts and understand it.
Roop- i haven’t thought. If i would have i wont be talking over this phone..see??
Ruth- why are so cranky all the time..
Roop- I am not cranky. My slurs are sarcastic , thats it.
Ruth- and what` new?
Roop- for the time being ???? I am finding my cell phone quite vivid, incandescent..I want to smash up those things which are vivid in my life.
Ruth- huh?
Roop- nothing..
Ruth – blah blah
I was irked out. I was all sleepy but i can keep my eyes open. I don’t need your loving, needless to say. I won’t say a word..just let me love you in my own way. Don’t stick out your tongue. Cause I am not the one. I hate to talk over phone. I find it so intrusive. If you are missing me and wanna talk to me ,why are you making me a part of it..I almost forgot about you. I dunno why after 4 months you called me . This orgy of feelings that is creating havoc in you. What i did? Being inert and living my life to my free will… That`s the problem with you . if your head is occupied with my thoughts why don`t you creep elsewhere. Girl you are perfect and your face can lend thousand ships but spare me my privacy . and my years in resistance had only earn me to be more stringent about hardening a lot of emotions. Emotions and all these things are so subtle yet the magnitude of harm they do is so much. Still i am trying hard to know the difference about infatuation and love.
You are in love with me while i am not .love is loving a person when that person is not around you. That person thoughts keeps fluttering and whirring inside you without having a control over yourself. Its hard not to think about that special person. How much you may not try ,you will miss that person. And that`s the divine love which last long for month and months. Thats love and not infatuation irrespective of all.. It’s not your fault. You have said this to me,like three times-- that my thoughts swarms every now and then. But what am i supposed to do?
I dunno want to be a part of anyone`s life. But does that make me a pariah? A cruel person. You cried and narrated about your pain. You hold yourself back from not calling but these resistance is so assimilating. It’s so futile , i don`t understand if a guy is awfully candid that doesn’t mean he is into you. Why don`t you get yourself a new guy, i bet there are cartload of them with fancy degree and intellectual level, earning like shits. But i prefer to die and stay in my own baroque and die alone.
I was on phone for upto 5 am in the morning.my eyes are dopey .still i was yapping like a fool to her. My battery was draining out but I cant dodge off your call. I am worried about you.. i do care ..Oh stupid come out from the dark. The breeze of love is deceiving. Love is a snarl of fury. In this last 8 years, i had numerous encounters with females. All are so diverse in their way of thinking.. I have tasted all illusion what this life had to offer. Not anymore , i don’t care. Gopla krisna govinda gopala jay jay. O m hari Om rama rama. I am no more interested in this materialistic world. Fancy salary, good degree from a good college, cloths. I don’t care. Feelings are replaceable. Everything is self created.Spiritual life is the enternal bliss..now a days I am really happy about the purity inside my head. Knowing who really I am .
09/05/2012
I don’t know when I slowly killed my conscious to the pangs of slumber. Till 1 am i was in the association of devotees. Glorifying the lord and eating sweets. After while I was listening to George Harrison`s (The Beatles) songs. The lyrics about God – Anthology volume 3 . Its sculptured in simple words but the meaning is quite deep and enriching . What is permanent in this world is not permanent. I watched some videos on youtube regarding Albert Einstein who was a follower of Bhagvad Gita. Metaphysics and understanding its intricacies though vedic scriptures. A line from gita which pushed him to know about facts which also helped him to get this nobel award in 1905(i am not sure about the year) hare rama hare Krishna...
Its 1.00 am I surrender myself to my cosy bed. I was on headphone and my head was supine. I cant change my position because of this big headphone.
I was asleep when you phoned me last night.
Roop- hello?
Ruth- awake?
Roop- yeah else I wont be replying this call.
Ruth- so what you were doing?
Roop- nothing much I am forced to embark on a perilous mission..to save the innocent from the hands of enemies.
Ruth- what ?????????*quite loud*
Roop- eku nohoi . i was asleep. What about you?
Ruth- nothing much...
Roop- don`t you have anything productive too do?
Ruth- na
Roop- fine
Ruth- so what are you going to do now?
I don`t know why she asked me that .. coz the answer was hidden .just raise the facts and understand it.
Roop- i haven’t thought. If i would have i wont be talking over this phone..see??
Ruth- why are so cranky all the time..
Roop- I am not cranky. My slurs are sarcastic , thats it.
Ruth- and what` new?
Roop- for the time being ???? I am finding my cell phone quite vivid, incandescent..I want to smash up those things which are vivid in my life.
Ruth- huh?
Roop- nothing..
Ruth – blah blah
I was irked out. I was all sleepy but i can keep my eyes open. I don’t need your loving, needless to say. I won’t say a word..just let me love you in my own way. Don’t stick out your tongue. Cause I am not the one. I hate to talk over phone. I find it so intrusive. If you are missing me and wanna talk to me ,why are you making me a part of it..I almost forgot about you. I dunno why after 4 months you called me . This orgy of feelings that is creating havoc in you. What i did? Being inert and living my life to my free will… That`s the problem with you . if your head is occupied with my thoughts why don`t you creep elsewhere. Girl you are perfect and your face can lend thousand ships but spare me my privacy . and my years in resistance had only earn me to be more stringent about hardening a lot of emotions. Emotions and all these things are so subtle yet the magnitude of harm they do is so much. Still i am trying hard to know the difference about infatuation and love.
You are in love with me while i am not .love is loving a person when that person is not around you. That person thoughts keeps fluttering and whirring inside you without having a control over yourself. Its hard not to think about that special person. How much you may not try ,you will miss that person. And that`s the divine love which last long for month and months. Thats love and not infatuation irrespective of all.. It’s not your fault. You have said this to me,like three times-- that my thoughts swarms every now and then. But what am i supposed to do?
I dunno want to be a part of anyone`s life. But does that make me a pariah? A cruel person. You cried and narrated about your pain. You hold yourself back from not calling but these resistance is so assimilating. It’s so futile , i don`t understand if a guy is awfully candid that doesn’t mean he is into you. Why don`t you get yourself a new guy, i bet there are cartload of them with fancy degree and intellectual level, earning like shits. But i prefer to die and stay in my own baroque and die alone.
I was on phone for upto 5 am in the morning.my eyes are dopey .still i was yapping like a fool to her. My battery was draining out but I cant dodge off your call. I am worried about you.. i do care ..Oh stupid come out from the dark. The breeze of love is deceiving. Love is a snarl of fury. In this last 8 years, i had numerous encounters with females. All are so diverse in their way of thinking.. I have tasted all illusion what this life had to offer. Not anymore , i don’t care. Gopla krisna govinda gopala jay jay. O m hari Om rama rama. I am no more interested in this materialistic world. Fancy salary, good degree from a good college, cloths. I don’t care. Feelings are replaceable. Everything is self created.Spiritual life is the enternal bliss..now a days I am really happy about the purity inside my head. Knowing who really I am .
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