letimotif of past

A tangle of dust has formed, the coagulation really dreaded on me.  Every words of yours are marching me like galumph. My vision and my ears are daubed again with more tartly, a tinge vision of clangor memory. Overly, ruined, the more I try to be imperative, your words hits me like tsunami. I still revert to my tenacity, with more infused hate towards you. Each alphabets metamorphosed into bricks, that felts like pelted one. The exactness of my weariness ,solely have to do with your embitterment.The mobility and indentating gaffes fucks me, I am into mood to understand those satires tale. I am just a convoluted responsive twat, I have seen a lot in past.  I am feeling sudden change in everything, signature of no salutation or benevolence. You constantly darted me with venomous stings, I can witness that your way have changed now, but you showed as if you came so afreashed and demolished my life. The systematic depravity, the curved out niche, where i am fucking rotting. Now should I care about you or should I care about the clichéd societal norms. You know, a part of me still care for you. The more I try harder to drift away in to a transitory , forgetting about the rile I have towards you, I still reminisce. I still find some solace. Like an upliftment  to an isle, an utopian kick.I am burying the facts, the thoughts, I am learning to be a better person, but I need your help  from your side too.  Hope I will forget everything and start everything afresh. We will surly find a way to hemmed the indifference between us, by pique need to be thinned out. We will write a fresh story, the blank pages will ink a beautiful story.

# words

Spotted this upright on a wall of wash basin. This sticker was quite tempting to quiver . I usually don't carry any albatross of memories from places I visit, but this one is hilarious. I had to take a snap in order to make this witty lines immortalized.

My Phone is A Morgue.

 I look around, but they don’t frown or look you back. I am talking about the new age people, fashionsta peeps, college gaizzzz. Be it inside a train, be it at office, be at restaurants or any café, you will spot such mortals with a phone of course. These nincompoops will be twiddling their phone, Oh! I guess its android phones, touch screens. When I first got my hands on a touch screen, given to me by office, I almost  missed like three calls on the first day, why? Coz I bloody didn’t know how to receive a call. I was punching the green call  button, while rather I be swiping it. I am kinda dumb guy, who is among these smart peoples. But kya karna, I am not much of a phone person, I use phone just to blog now a days, I use it when I lack a thrill, or I am utterly bored. I have also blocked myself from social networking maze and whatsapp account. I like the feel of solace, where my attention remains undivided, where I am not sacked out of my privacy.
 I can dart my whole percent focus more on my books, songs and youtube videos. I don’t care much about the people`s phone call either. Its been a long time I hardly spoke over the phone. When I was jobless, at that time I used to speak, but gradually I realized its me who is needing them, I never find such eagerness from them in such regards. Anyway..talking about phone. I have witnessed Samsung phone has inundate the market. Blackberry`s are swept under the carpets now.  Products of Samsungs are now ubiquitous, every hand or every pants will be having Samsung handphones. Nokia seems to take a back seat in this too, maybe nokia doesnot make much of handsome handsets. But I like Nokia, I am a Nokia-bouy. Samsungs features are appealing and have a more pulling effect. General are gravitize by its rates, features and slender looks. HTC phones are also good, but again price range are a bit high and it does not well fit with the Indian currency earning crowd.  Sony Xperia hmmm. …got astronomical rates and vying expensive, I maybe wrong. Incase I am worng, don’t bother to rectify me, coz I don’t give a shit.  By that way, people now a days are also using those gargantuan handset, freakishly huge, the phone covers their whole face while they speak over it. I guess when they would have gone to purchase such tablets, the shop keeper maybe be using it to carry other small handsets over it, like a tray.  And what is more funny is  you need to frigging buy new trousers too to tuck those tablets. One can also take his trousers to a mobile store and check for the particular pocket vault  fitting tablet. Mostly, I have seen people carrying them by hand, coz they need to fiddle every now and then. And one more advantage that I can give is, when such tablet goes kaput, their mother can use it as a tray to atleast carry two cups of tea. Yeah, one more thing ,I still can fathom the facts , what is there that they are glued to, I cant understand why everything seems to dry out of sap when it comes to excite me. In chat session, people reacts as if they got nothing to say, nothing much offer, all lack originality. They are like giving the control of their life to the other person to whom they are connected to. When they are bored they will stalk into others person profile or check the posts,  I have also done that but  I dunno how that affects me in anyway. I feel nothing. What gotten into me ? why cant I act normal, why such things irks me out.  My head is still in a spree to understand why I find all these pesky. I am yet to be cognizant about these whole phone thing and how human network works..
Bye phone.

Trench

Had a rough day and I am totally jaded, I was off for office work. I cant imagine, how I am getting a kinetic motion to my lazily harboured cells. I am growing so fast , quickly pacing up and becoming flat feet with Mumbai. The bluntness in me is growing, no sharp edges now that could hew people.  I am learning to talk, by talk I mean, how to talk falsely and pretend. I guess that`s what people do. we all live in a false world, a tiny cocoon infused with spleen Wish I could spew my clients in a more septic manner, but I can’t, money has gagged me. So ,right now I am in Marol, Kurla-Andheri road. This place is in Shivai Plaza. I had to wait and I got nothing to do rather than writing. Perhaps most of my words in this blog are regenerated views, words I got so I can drivel. Words out of head are a gush of fury and vitriol. My mind is so fucking twisted when I have to wait for anything or to meet anyone. I dunno how long I have to walk on such broken down road, and changing myself for no good. How long will I shackle my life, how long I will be confined with this miseries. I dunno when I am turning into a fucking mechanical machine. Like a weasel , I am finding my way in such places,where no one cares.I am so ill-assorted in this puzzle of life. Only my anger and my insanity is fueling me, fury is breeding within me.  Wish I had a spare life upon which I could rely,  I would have slit myself and my life to get a better one. Unhappiness seems like a daily tale to me. So much hatred, so much pain, so much black blood I am automatically feeling. This incessant flow of loathe will surly kill me one day, or I will kill myself. I am just looking for a tool, this imperfect  imprints are engraved in me and the dust of time is making it so difficult to decipher what I actually want to read.  I need  fucking nirvana, I don’t wanna answer to any of the questions. Forgive lord, I failed. My asphalt filled life is descending and I am very weak now.
So weak.. so weak..
Bye Phone.

Ugly day.

My Sundays are ugly just like me life, I guess they are turning more gruesome and much uglier. My list of ranting keeps adding with more suitable points. Like, I don’t like the places around, or the human inhabitants around. I need someone with whom I can talk about things of mutual interest rather than blubbering shits. The existence is kind very much over-rated. Its crushes the simplistic joy, and the fieriest fear. I can see the days passing by in front me, like they soar up and vanishes, and me standing there , watching it slipping way, gently or sometime very actively. I dunno when I reached the pinnacle of such lament, such anguish towards a life which was so prettier. The days are rough now, I know. The trusts and the crests of life don’t make me scoot easily, and I am ready for it.
  I feel so helpless, and so wasted. I miss home and I miss a lot of stuffs. As each day passes, I feel I am rotting more from inside. I reek of the fouled memories and the rotation of time shift. Sundays  are such days where I am devoid of much work and whole severity seeps in down my head cracks. I am not scared of much detachments, as I have lost almost everything ,expect for my soul. I work at a place about which I am not proud of, I am surrounded with people about whom I don’t care or I got a liking. I do try to gel with them, but the colors  of hatred that I oozes smears them with irregularity. Blackened soul absorbs everything and it  doesn’t reflect anything black. Those people are simple people, without much complexions or desires.  Sundays are one of such day where  the ticking time mocks me of my mere existence. My souls is slowly corroding  with each passing second, I can feel the calloused layer now. The luminous dim ray of life is also flickering, dying. If I continue to live this one day I will be just be a guy who simply breathes and nothing provokes him. Now  this Sunday also passed like most of the other days. A bottle of beer and few slabs of pizza also failed to bring a curve of joy in my life. I guess only luxury I could afford now is a sleep. Sleeps are good to escape from this bewilderment of life and I can easily efface most of thoughts for few hours.  Sometime this thoughts also act like a brat kid, they doesn’t make me ease out. At that hour few guzzle of beer, works fine, and a belly filled with food also functions s as a catalyst. Its 1 am now, I guess I should drift to a awaited slumber cause a typecast and drudgery work hours awaits for me tomorrow. Good bye Phone.

God, I need you (more then yesterday).

 Oh my Dear Hindu God

I know I am not much of a devout or a zealot devotee of yours. Time and again I have tried to bride, but you seem to renounce everything. I also promised to visit you couple of times  in past if you would had done my job. See, I had asked for favor in past and I hope I will keep doing it in future. Without any exchange it will always going to remain like this, you acting stubborn and I acting the needy. Fool people around me says you are powerful and you fulfill needs and wishes. I didn’t ask to make me a millionaire, then why this slack of negligence and throwing attitude at me.  If you had bestowed my earlier petty wishes, still I wont be testing your powers to fulfill my quixotic desires. I asked you to give me some sanity, some scruples so that I can act smart and act wisely. But no, you have to make everything difficult for me, everything. My life is like that Koopa Troopa, he searches for Mario and I on the other hand seeks just few favor. And one a profound note, I want a Schecter 7 too. See god growing loathe towards each other wont give us both anything. I have heard a lot of sappy stories about you, read purans(Gita Puran, I meant) and few pages of Srimad Bhagwatam too, now gimme a solid reason to my faith on . Pakka I will also dangle the amulet my mother gave me, in which your deframed embossed face is there. I will be good. I need you now God more then anything else in life. We also are swayed away by those shoddy TV serials of yours too, mythological craps, people are earning money just by showing your tales and all.  Why don’t you defy?. Anyway God, I need to do some stupid work now.

Thank you god.

Remember its sanity and Schecter7 I am asking for.

Yours Not so Favorite  kid

Roop.. (yeah it do sound like koopa troopa)

Distorted

In this life, darkness and fetid smell is pertinent. Surviving with a mere negligence, a mere altitude of disgrace. The room walls are dilapidated , the titles are broken. The fringe of bed sheet, last night empty beer bottles, a big bowl of soggy popcorn, and my endless parched life is what I am left with now. No money in my wallet and no balance in my account. Its morning and sun is in full vengeance ,I am Trying to lift my weary head and body,with  a hope to retrieve back again in calmness. The chaos and restlessness agitates me like a wild hog. I can`t take this inner six degree of turbulence.

Dirty laundry from months now smells fetid. My brain can’t think of anything and my body relinquish. I better swamp again in the comfort of bed, the next step to experience the isle of tranquil serenity. As I breathe slowly, I can hear my own inhaling and exhaling. The blood rushes down and disrupt me with my sense. The slowly tends to fondle my sense, twitching my body to spasm. I try to sedate but its not an ease. I need something strong to get inebriated, but I got no money to expose myself to any drugs now. I am struggling to lift myself. I am finding it hard to expand my mind and make my consciousness take a space. No evolving ideas, everything seems so shady.I better stay cold and drift away in a frame of coherent melancholy. I want to loom more animosity towards life with each passing moment. Let me sleep, let my shadows rest……………..

People's People- Money's People

 The shuffling minds, and the hapless me. Peoples nature changes, as the money rate inflow increases in their life. They tend to forget the way how they were before they had any money. How they tend to gauge everything with the influx of money. I know most of the people are not like that and what I am writing in not a generalized view either. I am bracketing few guys who changed, in dressing style department, places where they eat. It is a good thing in a way. Changes are good when it comes to be a matter where you cultivate yourself to brew a new individual in you. It should be done in a very subtle way, so  the person who knows you is not hurt by your changes or remain inert. People still likes you because of the old rapport you shared, not because  of the money you got now. Like most of the attributes and new qualities ( like egoism, snootiness)  are an outcome of the environment where money can make you an affordable access. Earlier you used to relish and repose road side ginger or masala tea with friends, and now you drink those tasteless cuppanico in a big cup which in posh cafeteria with someone who you don’t know even or you don’t even like, just to make him jealously and all. You don’t slur, you sip the beverage and look around with a sophisticated eyes  , you ogle at the girl in skirt next to you and the girl far away from you reading a novel.  You look at them, you wait for her to respond, you show them your unbridled attention . If she shows no interest , you tend to take out you iphone, dial some number , maybe to a friend who speaks to you in English Or you will ping him asking him to call you and so that you could speak . You will reply in an accented English, few lines will be damn good, like a savant, coz those were rehearsed. The girl may look to you, she may not. If she looks back, she is giving her certification that she is a slut and she like rich guy with their tools irrespective of size. Simple as that, if you are lucky you may get laid, else like a scratch card, “better luck next time”.

 I can only dart my view for guys, wish I could have known the changed attributes of girls too with such eloquence. I can guess they  also put all their  friends in a strainer and refine it. They girls with money will only seep out of the sieve and viola!! You are group is ready. A new changed group, where most of them are in sexy wedges or stilettos. All they will talk about is clothing, cosmetics and hunks. They will find immense joy in buying and shopping. They are one who finds pleasure in spreading rumors, else they will lack a personal life. They will buy dress which they will only wear like one or two times a year. They will go to pub where they will spend money on expensive mocktails and cocktails, more than I spend in buying my food  for whole month or more than I my  hostel mess bill I used to pay. They tend to go to big places, malls and wrinkles their nose to the slums next to it.  I may be untrue or I may be exaggerating how guys and girl do commission their new avatar. I personally do have problem with few of my friends who have changed by the luster of the money.  This post is for those fucktards.

Resolute and bending

I wondered again today, yeah more of kind of dreaming and lamenting. The line of threads which goes astray by the winds, the tiny water that splashes out into a three dimensional obscured space and forget its nature. Life taste similar to me, a fraction of time or moment  and all is changed. Some dismissals, some ousted decisions.I have tried hard to stretch the thoughts, beaten them, the more I mull over, more pensive I become about life. I don’t know why life is such an ugly charlatan. Since teenage I am patching my days with something bitter, something more compromising.This predicament doesn’t let me dream nice, all sordid and mess daubing the crimson thinking domain of mine. I try hard to isolate myself from this feelings and the real world where I live. The imagined view is very scary, and I am hold to it, the invisible shackle doesn’t let me move. I don’t know why in reality those  thoughts baffles me. Like the black clouds hovers over in a bad weather, my dreams about life is same. Life is  like walking on a  wooden floor , producing acoustic cracking sound. Aching heart and a pierced soul. A complexity, a segmental hellion ,all different things and obfuscated facts and stanched up words that my life is all about.

 YOLO YOLO, some good things also sweeping by as I tort. I like the way how she dribbles with utmost refinement sans effortless, the words seems like to take a roll in her honey dipped sugary mouth and finds its way out. The words seem to have that caramelizing tinge, with swirling patterns and vaporizes in the hearty spatial of mine.The moment of mere joy is enough, more to make me happy and lift up to a isle where where things seems picturesque . I wished I could have asked her name, next time I will, when I attempt to make a inquisition, but words remains broken and nothing escapes out of my oral opening, expect for a weird silence.  This eerie feelings makes me distraught, and I only decide to be make those thoughts and feeling as a comfort where I can succumb and sublimate myself.Right now I am listening to Fool in the Rain, seems sorely delimiting and legitimating for the moment.   You too enjoy!!
Love and all gone hope will be restored.

This week 5/15/2014,Mumbai.

Met a new girl, talking about the image, she is pensive and thoughtful. Takes life and represent it with full demure yet very lofty. The more we spoke, the more I tend to exfoliate the undernea,th qualities. She is tall, with a naughty gait. When I get another chance to round up for a titter-tatter, I will spiel up my words here. Talking about my life, days are smooth, it’s the night that annoys me. I really need to see myself with a newer place,with some good friends.
Anyway this Saturday I met a book seller by the street, near Victoria Terminus, he was thin,slender, with thick glass. He was serious reader himself, he suggested me some good classics, I was really touched and impressive what he doing for living. As we talked, he told me ,he chose this living coz he likes books and he wants to be with books. The pages and the tart eyes on the new  and old writing makes me hungry to read more and know more. That was something very great, I picked up the classics Animal Farm by George Orwell. This would be my second read by that author. I have read 1894 back in college. It was a interesting read, I have heard Animal Farm is a good book it, an allegory related to the Marxism and socialism theory, its a tinge with humor and caustic way of expressive, very elusive and summed up in few pages.
And I also picked up classics Three men in a boat by Jermone K Jermone. It’s a compulsive read, I have only read few pages. By this weak I will be write a small review about the book.

Goodbye!!!

Paper.Rock.Scissor! Die anyway

Glee, beat the papers with the scissors or what they say rock can beat the scissors, or do it the other way round. Pretty obvious we know the results. I never tried, I never understood. Today I am trying, I am putting a test to understand the lines. Atleast, I could hear me saying it myself, fuck it. Some doofus might have goofed up the lines and why the hell I am trying to even decipher the intricacies of such a doltish things. I can take papers, pile it up and make it a hard bound and will thrash the guy who wrote it. Wait,why to bother so much, I can directly seep that scissors into this body and watch him bleed to death, I can poke his eyes out or cut out his scrotum. It may ghoulish, yet I would appreciate it anyway. Rocks can also be used as a weapon of death, but it will be a messy business no? repeatedly we have to lambast him. Phew anyway those were some sweet thoughts of mine.

I said fine, you are a dude.

 Strange are humans,it is so difficult to understand their psychology and how exactly their portal to head opens. Sometimes so ambiguous to clarify the aphasia. They will say something and mean exactly the different. Weird are humans. All are different and all stinks, in their own way.  And what I find more irascible is how people tends to act so polite, so couthed when they meet you in the first place and after few days they will be all caustic with their tongue,plus nature. I am writing all these based on my past experience with humans.People were so welcoming when I joined newly and now  they talk and behave as I owe them money or so. My blog post will be based on my personal grouses, if you get offended , you're welcomed.

So one guy asked me Roop do you like to fuck? And I don't how am I supposed to answer that question. I tried to deviate and digress the questions and said Dude, you wanna eat something. It was like the mid of the office and i dunno why I asked it. Neither it was lunch time  or so. He was just yapping his mouth on and on..., mumbai guys are like macho dude no where in India you will find guys like us. We are stylish and we like to fuck girls. I said fine and looked back to my computer screen,but he was all nagging me.What don't you like girls? He didnt even let me answer and kept blabbing, you like guys, you are a fucking home. And started singing honey sings shitty songs. Hey do you like Honey Singh? I said not much. He is like see told ya, you are a gay. I didnt know how to retaliate and said fine. Bombay guys are macho man, ekdum macho and we guys suck like old socks. He asked what I like to do at my free time. Books, music,guitar,blogging,I said these are the things I like to do. You are a bore guy man. Come with me I will take you to Versova side, we will fuck girls..sexy girls in micros. I will show you what life is. I said dude, we are both different guys. Come with me for a metal concert,i will throw you into a pit and you tell me later what life is,what insanity is.

eday

office on a election day!! Its like asking a kid to go to school in a summer vacation break. As usual ,to avoid the rush I came to office quite early. Train were empty, if we consider humans as molecule consider them to be in a gaseous state, all were so parted away from each other. On a usual office day. Its like gaseous states compressed to form a soild matter, talking it in Miller Indices way,its like HCP packing. All are compressed and tightly packed. And now I am at office and typing on my phone. To add more fun on a holiday, office internet
is not working. All are *** their boring tale. Laughing and raving  madness. Some are potty mouthed for our boss. He is absent so people make it a point to say all they can about him. Let them do what they want. I am smugged with my own things.
 Bye phone