Discreet

22.12.2011 time-11.00 pm

I do speak with tongue and i do think with my mind .I don’t know why this line is churning inside my head. I am a lost song. I am a boy who will cry all night and yet face you with a smile the next morning. I am the boy whose heart is too full. I am the river always touching you and not ever making you wet. I am blocked, I am unsought and my life story is underneath wraps. I live second-hand; I live in a parallel reality and anxiety. I write what i feel .I speak truth. I speak the right things but then, they don't matter. I am too lost for my own good and these pages i fill are an attempt to immortalize transience. Seek at your own pace. Sometime i ask myself what word will describe me the best. I can only think of `DISCREET`. Next moment am i really discreet ? or am just a guy who doesn`t know himself better. Who is lost in his own trajectories. I will try to redeem myself. Really. Some people demands a lot. When I don`t speak it means a lot of things are going inside my head. I observe you. I know what you want. I do abjure but i know that`s not what you expect in return. I got my own limitations. How much i may not try i will not fall in those quicksand endeavors. And I don’t want to blame myself for all these. I not afraid to get close to people. i know one day everyone is going to leave me and i will be all alone. Part of me will be a scapegoat for managing and harm did to my other half. I got my own dogma and i need to protect them at any cost. I am too fragile for emotions. Whatever......i don`t wanna play those abysmal tricks

23.12.2011 time-1.00 am
I just resumed my current read Beatrice and Virgil and started playing Janis Jolpin `little girl blue`. I’m inclined to this song. Every time I listen to this track I feel pep. And this book is by Yan Martel, a new book by this awesome writer.i guess last year only he realesed this book. His usage and syllables do demands extols. A good new age contemporary writer. It’s his second book which I am reading, I have read `life of Pi` a long time back like 5 or 6 years , it was really a good read. This book is about a gujarati boy who leaves pondicherry and how adversity of life made him a saviour. How hard days and hard nights shaped him. A book about life, survival and other things .what we become when adversity mock its beck. Anyway I am not here to daub my posting threadbare with a book review. It`s 1.12 am and my room is occupied with many friends and the ecosystem of my room is quite good. It’s a typical scene. I call my room- a pocket edition of dharavai .My roomie sneh is watching some video on laptop ,while kunal is lurking lol. Whatever crap i am writing and he is not even batting his eyelids and he think am not aware of it. And now he his flaunting a evil grin as he is reading me.:P Now everyone have changed their locations. Ayush is groping for some movie on DC++ ,always doing it after he got his new laptop ,he always rummage for movie so that he can vent it on his system. A good bloke from heart and i like talking to him. A guy who always talks about life and inspiration but fails miserably to explain all that to me. So he never cares or dare to fish out such information to me. I just fill his dermal with more confusion. He doesn`t know much. What i like about him is his hunger for knowledge. For all these vary reasons i call him `ROBIN SHARMA~. Sneh is busy fiddling kunal`s ipad (the villager).i don’t know why he named his ipad as `the villager`. And i am still busy typing on my laptop.*changing the track to Indian ocean kya maloom*. I am quite sloshed now and i am feeling good ,how my head is feeling the anomaly of this rum effect .munificence escalating and nullifying all my trouble. I am quite pensive and i can write. I am yawing like anything and still i don`t want to tuck myself inside my bed. My brains cells are working and my imagination is running wild. I am in all moods to write. I don’t know what to pen down though. Writing crap like always. hmmm.okay fine let me write something which i wanted to write from few days back but i could muster up my time, life was juggling me. Time was woozy .Anyway.
*laptop shutdown*
Today a holiday. I woke up like at 7.30 and i devoured b`fast and again slept till 10 am. I didn’t know why my lazy bones were perfectly blending with my skin. I slept. After while i read that book by yan martel. * background song the who`s substitute is blaring from Pluto guitar amplifiers* oh god i am too sleepy now.*slept whole day*
25.12.2011 time-4.15 am i am still awake, i tried hard to sleep but i couldn’t . My head is heavy and the befuddled head of mine is splitting. Morning after at this time lol. Fuck for sure morning after lol
Pre evening 24.12.2010 with amey and vaishali i went to Leopold cafe and bar . i spend some quality time with them. When it comes to friends, more is definitely merrier. When am around i talk a lot but i know how to maintain that aura of enigma about my character. I talk a lot still i say nothing *flaunting my peptie hehe*.Leopold is a cool bar . The ambience was awesome. First song that they were playing when we entered was` follow me` by uncle cracker. Second track was `by the way` from RHCP and i guess after that they played complicated, the cranberries, iris,Robbie willams,led zeppelin,Robbie willams. After that i got no clue what they were playing . i was kinda inebriated by then. I guzzled couple of beer . bam YEAH!!!!!!! we ordered two pitcher and vaishali drank something something *no idea what was it but she finished it fast as far i know* . and ate 80% of the French fries :P. *she was like mein kiya aisa baithya rahoon?*.lol we said u can eat everything ,just leave the ceramic plate. before coming to Leopold ,we went inside a art gallery . The painting were by nazia and archana . i liked one painting which was about vedhei (sita `s other name which was given by one sage). Basket series were also good. One was on womanhood.Rest i don`t remember. And we had to travel a lot by bus and plus some feet muscle exercise too. After that we reached colaba. By 8.30 pm we returned back. Vaishali got us red x-mas caps/hood (i will keep it as a souvenir) i was pretty high by now. i had dinner and i started reading that novel Beatrice and Virgil . i was not feeling sleepy at all.
I got a book from Avhinash . First time in m my life i met someone who is into Jaggi Vasudev . he is from Coimbatore. and he is a votary who devotes his time in seeking the teachings and value of spirituality. I liked talking to him. We had a good chat about karma yog , how to understand body and mind ,life and death.. I was new to him and the word he uttered really enlightened me.even the darkened cell of my brain could feel the effect of his words. But it was hard to focus cause i was drunk. I got some better understanding. i eloped from his room as it was getting late . And it not prig to disturb anyone such hours. He got some books on Buddhism and on jaggi vasudev. I took jaggi vasudev wala book and i read half. Mystic Musing
Seeker`s predicament-
From muses and mystics you did hear ..Seeming to be the sound of phantom –lands.In ignorance`s bind,life like phantom seems
Oh,creature of surface ,the depth of life will seek you ever seek. `~ Sadhguru
From teenage i was drawn to the word `spirituality`,cause i always know some is there which guides us. Our mind,our soul, our body. What make them sync. What are the cogwheels that make them function? experiencing yourself beyond the physical is what we`re referring to as spiritual. When i say spiritual ,don`t think it is going to a temple .Don`t think it is about praying for this or that. If you look at your prayers, ninety –five percent of the prayers in the world are all about either asking for something, fundamentally asking for protection, or for being taken care of. There is nothing spiritual about it, it is plain basic survival. In most people ,the very basis of prayer is fear and insecurity. If prayer exists in your life as act only ,it is obscene, being reverential towards one aspects and not being so to everything else. If you become prayerful, that`s wonderful,and if you`re using an act of prayer towards becoming that quality ,that`s fine.Now if you`re routing your survival through the heavens,that`s very stupid. Even worms and insects take care of their own survival.So when i say spiritual.I am talking about you beginning to experience that which is not physical .Once this spiritual dimension is alive ,once you start experience yourself beyond the limitations of the physical and the mental,only then there`s no such thing as fear .fear is just the creation if an overactive and out-of-control mind. As i read more i came to know about human values. How much of the anxiety comes into our life from relationship. As we live in this world we have to face such complex interactions. We are not exempted from it.
Why there are cliché in all relationship. Because we fail to understand the limitations, the possibilities ,the needs and capabilities of that person. And most of all it’s the Ego. I know i got hell lotta ego. I need to kill that vice from me. so we should enhance the understanding level to such a point that we can look beyond people`s madnesss also. We should`nt make a deal with anyone. Only devil makes a deal with everyone. The most important thing in life is to be happy. It can drive us to infinities. If we don’t sleep or eat less, we can still have endless energies. He talks about the power of yoga. How to activiate inner energies in such a way that our body,mind and emotions function at the highest peak. Yoga and how they are related bhakti yoga,gnana yoga,karma yoga,kriya yoga.
*stopped typing*
Its 2011-12-25 time 08.22 pm i am hungry and i am listening to my fav song `If i could` by lucid recess, and no one is around. I was getting bored and i can`t find anything to put my hands on or maybe nothing is so cajoling and appealing to me. I switched on my laptop and started playing some songs. Errr!!!!!!!! I am still bored. All these while i am been guffawing and kind choked with pangs of irksome. I round up at munna for schezwan to hilt my hunger. Really i was slumped with many guys from other branches at munna. Whishing merry Christmas to everyone. I was getting fuzzy probing and prying these to so many guys. The place demanded it, it had to crystallize some words to them else they will again sobriquet me a lout. I dunno how to say am just a discombulated soul obsessed with weirdest things. I dunno i become easily withered by their talks. Why on earth anyone wants to talk about other people and back bitting. God i tried to jog my head to other things but i can`t. So i left asap.

* i am bored*

a ode to life :)

Under the empty sky I sat introspectively on a stile. Mulling over the reminisce, as i slipped my senses into the black hole of my own delusion. I was busy in picking up the dropped and lost pebbles. Thinking about the relations, I never valued. The strings to which I am attached to. Family, peers, kith and kin. I owe a lot to them. Lets start with care and smile. I parked my train of self-destruction, no more dallying in retrospection. I need to come out of my cocoon, I need to break all the shackles what`s holding my mind. My thoughts intoxicated with venomous filth. I need to get baptized into the river of life..I need to grope for my lost smile. Which I lost somewhere on a rustic area and rugged terrain`s walk of life. Thanks for being a guiding angel and rescuing me. Gratitude for the words thrown, sharp yet deft. Like a Aristotle’s mirth and with your pearl of wisdom you added new paradigms. Keying --How to repose life? Firstly I do refuse to hum along in my old school stubborn way. Later to self, seriously i am not a little boy. i need to reach for my astral marks. I need to fight. Tonight’s unopened buds will remain opened always. I will try to shine. i iwll exalt in my array . I will try focus on my virtues and ward off my vices. I iwll try to discover the virgin spectrum of my life. To life cheers, I will appreciate the wisdom with which you filled the crevices of my head..The filled void, hinge left in the entity with your uttered verbal energy. Proverbial thanks from my threshold winging its way to daub your sky. Your words will play like a grand theatre intro song every morning. Thanks again!!

the nail pricked into me
reading the darkened intensity of my life
deluding in the sea of agony
escapism for the grasp of life
derailed to the downtrodden walk
life`s burlesque tricks
hatred revised
Incised again to the haunts of past
i will not changed
i will not abstain for my evil
i will the not redeem my hate
resolved in my own motherfucking miseries
an eye bleached with deformity
a misanthrope running amok for hate
inherited curse i am brewing everyday
with everyone
can`t fuck the rebel inside of me
i am a psychopath hurrying to destruct
shit i dont wannna live
each day ,torn aggression and a fetid smell of my body
perishing .. i am delirious
i dont wanna breathe..i dont wanna feel
sorrow dangling to my body each seconds
haunting me

too many words are humming inside my head suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck !!

Enamour

An infatuated seer seething inside the hollow me, basking eventually
Fretting my somnolent heart chamber
My fairy lady you are a aphrodisiac craftsmen .
Chiseling my love silhouette ,
foraying my soul to soak deep within you
Mystical cupid`s rage brewing like a erupting magma
Swirling oodles of blooming metaphorical envisage
Cryptic yet so vibrant with wallpaper of life
Your tales and gossip topics and deliverance ,as an oracle
Captivating all my devotion ,feelings
Sweet charms still intact to my eulogy
Eloge unfurling to frame up, giving meaning to the beauty you bestowed.
Myriad evoking thoughts by the clock-tickling acronycal hours
Settling for my restlessness
A reason to look for the crepuscular mouth of moon
Scribbling my night`s canvas with your sweet tales.
Only vision ,bequeathing me batty
Surging dreams and murmuring ,unheard words as i spoke
Oh your pearl of stringing words still make my heart pulse to resonate
The tucks of your hair, expressed galore of infatuation
The aura of your hair is ek dam no 1
I do acknowledge with unspoken words
A noir cabal infusing all the virgin abodes of my untamed heart.
Fly to me and fill my niche
Waiting...................

eat|sleep|complain

Digital clock reads 6.00 am Atreya wakes up and put on the music system and skid row`s track disturbs the ambience.

His other roommate (some dick non-metal head who freaks out with that) it’s been a daily grouses Atreya can’t listen to music .so he decides to shift his base..Atreya, in pajama bottoms and a The Ramones t-shirt, stretches ,take a brush and applies the toothpaste and throws it across his dishevelled bed. He sits up.

Atreya: hey you asshole .why didn’t you flush the lavatory.

his non-metal head roommate Sanjay wakes up..and yells what?? Can’t u put on the flush??

Atreya - am not ur dad`s keep to clean ur excrement ..

Cut to: the bathroom. Atreya put his hand on the sink and start to brush, the foamy flows down with turbulence with the word.. he tries to keep his calm..from inside he is raving mad..

Atreya —crap what the fuck( in mind) ..what i am doing living with this nincompoop poppycock bladderdash ..i need some space for myself where i can listen to music and play my air guitar and do the stuffs i want to do .

Atreya sits in the potty and flips the newspaper and rummage for rent column..its reads roommate needed..lets give it a try..This place is on my way to office...I should be hurrying up..Darn its 7.30 and i have to check the place too..

*Scene— Atreya walking and reading the address details in the newspaper ..He finds it and he press the doorbell.. Avi walks with a weary head and flaunts up a smile arc *

Avi –yes! What can i do for you?

Atreya —i read this newspaper ( this room is actually Avi father place and they don’t stays with him and he needs money to eke out extra money..Most of the rooms are empty so he needs mates to fill it up)

Avi –yeah come in..have a look ..

*Scene—all around he could see is big poster of heavy metal bands like Sabbath ,saxon,tool,tiamat.the darkness,w a s p and many more..a wardrobe and a torn window curtains and few empty bottle of mineral water.*

Atreya and Avi*conversation*

in spite of talking about the room, they talks about music.. So you into metal music?? What’s your favourite bands and all??

Roland -*wakes up and asks*

who is this?

Avi—what was your name by the way

Atreya –hello am Atreya .i work with XYZ scientific lab as a research assistant

Roland–Hi,nice to meet you

*and he flits away ..and he put on the computer and started playing some heavy ear aching shits*

Scene –Atreya is excited to meet these guys and really wants to shift.

Avi- so Atreya do u like the rooms? You can pick any one of your choice

Atreya- yeah i do

*though he hardly cared about the room ..what he cared about the life these guys lives*

Avi – you have to pay an advance of rupees 15000 and monthly rent of 2000. We got a maid who cook for us and washes the clothes.So extra charges come like 300 per head kinda.

Atreya—fair enough so when should I be shifting..?

Avi—whrn ever you want..i will do the necessary official documentations..

Atreya –fine ya. tomorrow is Sunday so i will shifting tomorrow.

*Atreya flits way and sings.he thought he will get back his teenage days back..After shifting to this alienate land he haven’t met guys of his type.. he walks in his office..*

Office scene-

Boss—what`s up Atreya you look very happy today..what`s the scoop?

Atreya- nothing sir ..it’s a beautiful,sunny and balmy day.

Atreya in his head* screw you ..cant u see am a rebellious guy ill-assorted with twits like you. And now you eye my joy.*

Scene-

In the office. Atreya put on his computer and first thing he did after sitting in his crucible is changing his desktop image to the new to DISTURBED`s new album cover art asylum cover..And side by side he put on the torrent and starts downloading songs..that’s what he do most of the time when he got no work.

Lab assistant—sir the moisture meter is not working.

Atreya—*in his mind * what the fuck ..

really ?did u check the nitrogen inlet valve?

Lab assistant—no sir.. I forgot

Atreya -oh god why did you put this twit to my life .. Every now and then ,stalking me with his ubercool stupidity.

Lab assistant—now its working

atreya –good job

*To self –he should be offered medal for

trying stupidly.moron *

scene-Atreya is confused as he got nothing to do now..he looks at his watch..darn two hour are left for lunch..He scratches his head ,churn his teeths ..fiddles his pen and thinks what to do..He opened the web address bar and types facebook.com .And checks his notifications.. he put it on offline mode and change his profile pic that he uploaded last night. He closes it and sway across the office. Just to ogle at the office co-workers (females)

It’s been 5 months that he joined this office..so he hardly knows anyone..he likes one girl name. smitten by her looks.

Atreya rush to his cabin and thinks of an idea that churn into his head .that girl Arpita sits next to the Photostat machine..So he cooks a brainstorm plan to start a conversation with her..Atreya is very sheepish when it comes to females. Even lady bugs runs him catatonic sometimes. But he wants to talk to this female.. Guys coeval to him are roaming with females as arm candies...so thta pisses him sometime.. Most of the teenage he wasted digging out for shits from music and like mind peoples. And at last he turned to be a loser..

He went to the bathroom and makes his hair and talk to self.. i am the man

He heads towards the Photostat machine with some stupid slip of paper. He didn’t care enough what was that..

He fiddles with teh machine and stare blank around. But no one cared to look at him.. he said no one will spill the beans i have to break the ice..*

Atreya== excuse me

Arpita- *looks!* Yes

Atreya- do you know how to operate this machine.

Arpita—*calling teh office boy..the office boy comes and start the machine..and teaches him how to start the machine* anything else?

Atreya to himself *wtf.. my plans failed..i have to look for a plan B*

He thinks about talking to Arpita during the lunch time..he said to himself come on Atreya be a man you can do it..

He went to his cabin and restlessly wait for the lunch break...he peeps though the curtain to check when arpita will be off for lunch..

He waited .lunch time is about to be over but she still sits in her crucible working..

Atreya—darn i am hungry i can`t wait more..i should have my lunch..

Atreya to the office

Atreya—hey! *To the office boy.*. Why is arpita not eating?

Office boy— she is fasting today.it`s Saturday..

Atreya – crap!

Officeboy—excuse me sir

Atreya-no no nothing you get going

*Atreya (self) this moderation has affected their attires but this orthodox fasting is still encapsulated into their heads.*

What now..Maybe sometime later i have to find for another plan to start a conversation.

Atreya went to his crucible and checks torrent. He said to himself .it will be done (downloading) by the evening...

And he spends his rest of the office hour surfing net and by 5.30 pm he packs and leaves for room. .... contd..

Great Utterance

To Ruth Veiphei
Every day is endless dream of magazine,novels,music and beer. Morning beauty got no songs to ask me anything. I stand by the window, I feel the sweet breeze taking to me but I am quite redundant to reply back. The glisten dew drops by the leaves and the foliage by the streets is soothing. The crunch I hold up, wish I could build a bridge between my windows and reach for the morning view. I always want to wake up to the nature site. Wish I could be a kid again with that dirty pocket full with marble and mumble as I walk by the hazy days of childhood. When colour was sepia and vision was free. Right now I can feel my youth smouldering, like my childhood. Singing by the willows and fishing by the pond. Carefree and full of life. Maggot brain which no more I can tolerate. I can`t walk down by the streets without thinking. I can’t taste my sunshine with joy .With that same innocence .No one is interested in taking on any of the mighty cornerstones of my life seriously. I try to listen to all the songs you try to sing. That`s what I want to do. I was just waiting outside. I was waiting for you to arrive. Calmly waiting by the shore, but you can`t hear me screaming from inside. Always waiting outside. Waiting for your sweet sunshine to touch my shore. The evening carries me away to another off-shore. From that cusp I still dream of you whole night. I do care. uff , they complain about my irrational thinking. I feel bad. They roll their eyes over infatuation with vulgarity, I feel bad. Everything is so known still I can’t find resonance with the known face. Oh you know I feel so bored with the mask you wear. So much respect in your voice. The tales by the dusk make my heart pound. Again and again it seems I know. But why everyone is busy wearing a mask as they don’t bother. As I look back to the days bygone, I feel so pleased. The anger was coming near .words were finding its way .All these while I was busy making an album, so nicely stacking inside my head compartments .sweet image of yours with my image. The moment spend with you, i still cherish. I am lost in my search to find you. The love I need to show will still with me .So many songs I have sang for you.
Only thinking about you I spend my whole day. I don’t know why I don’t get time to think about someone else. Each of my tune, you will dance out, soul out. I will play my flute with my heart. By the step of clock I am lying, thinking. I am lost in my own geographical ways and dust of your remembrance has formed a layer. For some many season I have wasted my youth. It is a difficult thing to define one`s self and with a discerning eye. The way I think, the way I feel about you. "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin." I don’t know how to follow this adage. I am too coward. Tooo sheepish bonded to my own trajectories.
Some of my little tendencies and quirks are not even aware to you. But I can wager SOMEONE is. Nothing more nothing less. To dig for the `real me` out of the real me is a demanding task in itself .For ,I like to hide in the crevices of your mind where I want you to run your wild goose to search for me. Let your imagination runs feral and let reality obscure. I am jagged .I don’t want to snub you with the way I think . I feel. I live I Love. My life has been jagged. My trail flawed and crooked. I have cried many tears. Lived a rustic life. I am not here to impress you. There are lies; to you i will be true. Time has come to make you believe me. There are changes of colour in me now. I do not wish to awe you with any magic tricks. Can you try? A visionary snuffing your sense. Running in the broad way of my arid heart. My soul is dark. I am forever indebted to an alternate life. I have walked so far ,now am near to you. I changed long ago. I have given you all authority to paint a picture of me,. To show me a little piece of your world. I am a most enthusiastic individual who often makes others smile. Make a smile arc in your face. I trotted a lot, now let me sit and talk to you. I rant, i mooch just to fill my head, as it is empty and I can’t stop thinking about you. I tend to be emotionally charged; everything I feel seems to be magnified. Too much fifing for you will sure make me sad. Fuck. Suffice it .You knows am not outspoken and opinionated sometimes to my own detriment. Sometimes my pride and feelings get in the way. I wonder will my simple art of writing will do any marvel. Will it be deep .Will it crop inside your head. Gain the innocuous sounding meaning

Thoughts drainage

1) Oh boy i always wanted to grow old so that people will take me seriously. As a kid people used to think wht a lunatic he is , and i never liked or wanted to be labelled as such. I never pushed my limits to be a maverick. Always focused on the things which mean nothing. I mulled over things which means nothing and i got nothing. some way or the other doing `nothing `made me happy. Still i am rummaging for that NOTHING. I am still encapsulated with the things that means nothing. I am very much aware where i will land up in later run of life. Nothing is all around us. Right now am scammed with such nothingness. My brain is kind free tonight ..i can think ..Wonder!!
2)I feel awkward of myself when i thing about it. I do pride myself for being an `insignificant person`. End of all, what we all seek. In a world so cold, we just seek a warm person. Lol feels like writing my heart out . but i won`t. I am feeling very pep now. Like am hot and feeling like calling everyone and yelling ~pour some sugar on me in the name of love~ no no no no no..*listening to Def Leppard* haha joe Elliot is cool. Love is like a bomb ,come baby get it on..haha..come on sugar me sweet. Lmao.
Let me play with my thoughts- fuck why am writing all these.
I have no intention for falling for you. Naturally i am getting closer to you. Sweet talks still lingers inside my head. I don`t know what all these. It`s the first time you are in a row where my heart is pounding. I don’t know how to apologies for what i feel about you. When i hold my cell phone and hear your voice . i hold is so close ,wish i could i hear the words that on your mind. I love the sweet talks, though it means nothing. I don’t know what games is been played by life. Oh cupid don’t say you played your favourite game at my expense. Each time i look into your eyes, it seems i am a state of eternity. So divine and so succulent. Where ever you talk ,a unfamiliar feelings sneak through my heart window and forms a avalanche of tickling joy. With time the hunger increases. Always looking on cell phone for a sign, that you think about me. Oh i am feeling so ashamed of myself. I still have the email you wrote to me. Entitled~ letter i can`t post~. Those chat ,those sweet talks. In the end all the word, as i read re-read re-read. Only words i have to charm you. Time feels heaved with malice when we say a good bye. Every min seems like a eternity when we are not close or talk. Time is heavy with malice and slowly crept by. I look at your image, but i miss the sweet talks. I never have any one so delicious like you. I have nothing to give you. We are so close ,still so far way . December is coming to an end hope the next month brings something good for me. I have never experience such nothingness and void when you are not close. I become unbearable sad. Depressed and thing about it. I know we can never be together. A factor `nothingness` will always hang on us. I am wrapped up in a blanket of my self-guilt. My foibles of many parameter will always we be dangled upon my personality.

3) literally i did nothing today,from 4 pm i was just dallying and i could see the sunlight flipping its wings and giving a way to dusk to stealthily walk in. I was just sitting on my chair ,legs propped to the table and listening to Rolling Stones ,Mick Jagger ,Keith Urban,Roonie Wood and Charlie watto are doyens of rock & roll. They are not my personal favourite but for the mood i played them. Their music is lively and pep which always demand something from you. Blue licks and some kinda juvenility squash your head. I turned off my music player (funny one). I don’t have a rich player or any Boss or Sennheiser or westone earphones even..but i some kinda like it. Small yet kicking.
I was really peckish , not a nibble had found its way to my girth shaped tummy . i chided in jeans and tshirt ,yanked my wallet from collage satchel and inched towards Munna. On the way i met lalit , he had bread and tea.while i gorge for scrambled eggs and bread(10 breads).. May be after listening to Beacon by Rolling stones my stomach demands it. Ookay one girl clothed in red top and a guy with a pony tail were pain in ass. Guy was okay ..dude type ka tha..but that girl was more or less a revised version of Dolly Bindra. You can crow about her but you can`t avoid. She was like chapppparrr chapppar non-stop till the time we were sitting. Seriously that guy deserves accolades for such a deft and keeping his clam and listing to that fretful girl.. she was like a hook..she was talking about her relatives wedding..how she picked up saree and what she did and what not..blah blah..why on earth anyyone would be so interested to know what she did..i eloped asap after a ten ton heavy supper . Sufficient enough that i missed my dinner. From morning i ate nothing and till now my stomach is counting those eggs and breads. After that i met amey in Munna. Sometime i wonder amey spend most of the time at Munna or what. Amey and one guy named Seth are omnipresent.i find them everywhere. I was lost and dispirited . Melancholy really weighed me down. So for a change i went out with Amey . I grope for some quality books . i got two books for 200 rupees. While returning back Vashali joined us .. We chatted and returned back.. With many silhouettes inside my head about life and all.. How motivated all are and am 180 degree different. My confidence thinned out . what will happen to me. Sadness again streamed in. I was sitting inside a dark room. Thinking.
After some time Flesh (Suman) called me and told me that by januray we will be launching our webcomics www.generationirony.com ..wish we could so some podcasting many be later. I really want this website to form up.. I need something to live for. Else i will be just a victim of unexpected things cropping in life ,just uncalled. A job..Which we guys get just to eke out a living..drudgery 9-6 pm workshift and office fucking grid . i know my life will be fucked once am out of ICT.All these thoughts really freaks me out. Two more years and i will be dilapidated by my own self loathing job life.
4)Right now its dark outside and just finished four chapter from a Sudha Murthy book `A salute to life`..it`s a collection of many anecdotal incident . About her life and her peers and other ally which have touched her life in many ways. another book from the streets. --Vs Naipul The loss of el Dorado. I am new to VS NAIPUL work. Heard a lot about his work. Really never cared to discover his work ..or may be i was too lazy to put my hands upon him. So i got that . i know i wont be able to foray his work till next year. Its December and many other plumbing stuffs will be creeping in.
5) its 11.32 and now am sipping a tasteless coffee. I don`t know what to write next. My brain cells are not kicking in *blank like ape expression*. Right now i am too tardy to type much. I will resume to my sudha murthy book then..
Good night dear blog!!

mindfucked :/

its 10.55 pm...I am not a true artist to suffer from a self expression rhetoric bullshits.i don't want to force my head to run amok for some topic. my head is heavy now. and my anecdotal story telling will not amuse my you.just an attempt to knit what i did today .woke up like at 8.30 , took a shower. my health-meter was vying for a plight. so i tucked up in bed again . exams are from 20 dec. and i had made some time-capsules but i cant be a zealot follower because of my health.my nasal passage was lodged and my head was heavy like a ten ton hammer. somehow i managed to carry my body by 12.30 for lunch. After-while i headed to library. read one topic and by that time one student told me about the framed up lecture. My intuition were fully aware that there wont be any classes.motif about the classes is never gonna changed in ICT. after that i cut myself from the herd and collected some notes and got those xeroxed.hope this xeroxed paper were made up quintessential elements to study for exams.. later shitsank!!! i was swamped with lab work till 8.30 . that's all how i preached my day inside stereotype eco-system of ICT ..i cant type more or think more.. my head is heavy ..my cerebral is under a severe malady and it buzzing and words are kinda bulimic in every way