desolate existence(an excrept from my novel)

Desolate existence (an excerpt from my novel) by roop k nath
One day out of blue in my office one boy may be in his late twenties named jayanta was introduced to me by our office boy named dinesh. He was wearing a half blue shirt which was quite oversized with some initial in Assamese words May it belonged to an assamese medium school. It seemed that he had got it from some family who used to give away their used up cloths as his condition was quite well and an old torn sandak sandal on his foots. Black trousers with folded hems. .one of his front tooth was quite short compared to the other .nicely combed oiled hair. Average built but eyes shoving deep meaning. Proclaimed that he was my nephew, it was too hard to understand the terminology ...a dusky appearance which may be related to a younger version of my junior brother. Same way of talking. Same gait. He looked pale but very apprehensive while talking..
`Excuse me do I know you Jayanta~I asked
` are you Dilip kalita~he said boldly
~see I have lot of work to do...come directly to the point...I am not here to give explanation to people whom concerns seems nullifying to me.~ I said with some heavy words this time though I didn’t mean to be so .
~if you are Dilip Khura then I think I know you~jaynata replied
~you --think and excuse me what made you think and khura? ~
~I’m Mukondo`s son~
~Mukondo?? ~ In total state of shock my tongue and mind got stagnant for a while.
~yes~
I had no idea how to take this condition as never before anyone from my family or from my brother side had come to visit me... a sudden chilled like feeling ran throughout my body.
~so how is Jaynata..?So he had made you come to see am I dead or alive in a casual tone I asked
~No its isn’t like that...he cares for you~jaynata
~accha, good to hear that at this late years of mine. Care... ha-ha. ~` I laughed.
Jayanta said he was here as his family was in a great trouble and nothing is throwing so he came to me. But I wanted to hear all this things from him.
~dilip koura(uncle)~that boy said
~y-e-s~ I said reluctantly as no had ever designated me by this name..It felt great
i don’t know how to react...it was a blend of joy and quarries that was blooming...
although I was happy to got a link from past...something that was faded with time..
~sit~ said
I unfolded a chair with little bit of effort as the rust had playing its game with the chair. he had a cloth bag more of a big version satchel slinging by his arm and it touched the floor as he bend down to sit. He tried to fold and placed it in his nap. the quantity inside was much which didn’t let him do that with an ease. I asked him to keep in the floor as it was quite uneasy to talk to a person who was tumbling with the stuffs and concentration was more toward that..
`It’s for you~
~o.k...first you keep it on the floor’s cant even take it in my lap.~
~he placed it~
He may be excepting another kind of expression on my face..Which I thought later after saying that...I should had thought of that before...at that time I thought like an egoistic and left thinking about that..Although he was much smaller to be in age and status...I never behaved in such way but in this case it was quite different...May be the old rage was flushed in.. The things which I left a long time back. Relation which forks a lot. still I want to do something to my brother.
~so what trouble you were referring to~
~my father is very ill~ with a heavy voice
~even I used to be. Even everyone used to be ill once or twice in a year whether it’s a sports man or a politician.whats so big deal about that.~
~he is serious .see-saw condition...a fatal disease ~jaynata eyes became moist as he said the next line.
My office colleagues over there were always ready to have an insight to such penumbra topic...its human nature I guess. So I thought office won’t be a proper place to talk about that cause people were making it too chaotic and even Baurah my colleague who shares a my opposite table had a big ear to hear what was cooking.. I asked him to follow me to the canteen.
~Baurah da I am going to the canteen..If Boro babu enquires about me just say where I am`
~ok...he is you nephew? ~baurah inquisition...
I knew he had a big ear to know everything... but keeping my calm I replied yes
~you want to come baurah?~
I wished to hear a No in return as I don’t want to have any other person interference while talking to Jay anta..Then also I asked as he had also done it many time and paid for me
~its ok...Thank you Dilip...had my lunch just now~
~anytime baurah~
The canteen was almost empty as lunch time was over and no one was much around also for refreshment’s head straight to a empty table and then Arup the canteen boy came near to me to take order..
~Two tea and what else is there for snacks.~
~cake,paratha,barphi,gajha~
~ok get me two tea and gajha~
Jayanta was looking over to the television paced over to the counter cabin…India vs. Zimbabwe..Everybody who was sitting there almost hooked their eyes to get every bit of the tube movement with cricket score to commercials...And clapping unnecessary in between and poking comments to each other’s wondered whether could read the scores displayed. By his attire and gait it seemed he couldn’t but I wasn’t sure...many of the office staff also came to get their information updates with the score and where about...how deliberate these people were from the staring of the match till the final closing ceremony awards. Why I am devoid of such .I asked to myself. Why it doesn’t concern me who losses or win...maybe God had dabble a lot of modification why writing my faith…may be he was busy in his abode so wrote it simple with simplicity...didn’t add much ingredients to spice up my life..No feeling sensors…for eg this cricket match...loll...Arup came and placed the ordered stuffs on the table...the sun mica was in the middle only most of the part were gone give a resemblance of amoeba stimulating a weird look..But we were not there for the table or the cricket match. We need to execute our purpose of coming to canteen...
Jayanta took one cup of tea and a Gajha and took a sip..I kept in untouched for few time...
~so Jaynata what is the sickness~
~I don’t know~
~what kind of son are you. Without knowing what the sickness how can you tell that he is serious`
`he coughs blood and couldn’t take food in lumps~
~did you consult any doctor~
~yes few days we came to Guwahati medical college(GMC) doctor had given a long list of tests which need needs before coming to a conclusion. Proper diagnosis is very important he said. But I didn’t went back~ he stopped saying that
~why? ~
~we haven’t done the tests yet~
~huh!! Why? ~
~taking father from hospital to city is beyond my might acute financial crisis …we can’t take him in a bus...he is too weak to properly stand and moreover the road ways are took bad...any reserving a van or SUV, UV will charges us a lot. And I don’t know how much those testing will charge... I can’t afford to pay all these if I sell myself too...the land we had was already mortgage for his initial treatment and I have no way to get so much money..Moreover no will lend me so much money...
~its not throwing though we are trying hard...you can’t see him suffering...~
~yes that true that’s why on repeated insisting from mother I had to come to you..Maybe you could help us with this plight regime...~
~I see~
~she knew where you work so she asked me to give it a try...i know I shouldn’t be here to ask for favour from you...But—you know it’s only for my father and mother... I can’t see them suffer ~
~I see~
I had no words to say to him..
~and what about your mother...~
How can I forgot the women with whom I was infatuated once was now wedded to my brother’s now thought that I could even had a son like jayanata if all that things had happened asked it not to refresh the desires again just to show about my concern about that family..I wasn’t sure whether jaynata knew about that...I wished mukondo had kept him in dark...as there is point no point digging the past..It only pain...
~she is ok...but pity is that she had even sacrificed even her little joy in caring her husband...she had not get her even a new cloths for years ..She used be in home caring her husband’s...
`ok let me see what I do for family. by the time being don’t think much. ~
~thank you~
~anyway tell me how educated are you~
~I had studied till HSLC...after that I couldn’t afford to go to college. You know money problem and all. We lot of hardship I had cleared my HSLC.after that I left studies as I had to earn. ~
~ok...Did you work after that? ~
~yes I had worked in the brass embossing plant near to my place~
~didn’t you get any official job~~
~I got but you know these day you need to give bribe the top heads to get one’s dint applied for any more jobs after that~
~anyways I hope you hadn’t mind, me asking all those questions to you~
~why should I be? ~
The story about my brother and his wife seemed a decade story, but it was aching from deep within to hear all those...this life of mine is really because of the hardship of past I was really stable in this time of my life..So it was too fathom for me to link to them again went nostalgic...i don’t know what to do...but the condition of jayanta was really moving...i was touched...though I had a consonantal disharmony had tortured me till this time . Then also I wanted to do something for them. The awe of the face of Jayanta was narrating it all too.The Verbal installation of such brutish strength forced me to ponder and do something about my brother. They were each dealing with personal issues and / or were having a bad day. With forgiveness, you create a friend, someone who is more willing to help you out in the future.
When you treat people with respect, they are much more likely to treat you the same way. Yes, there could be exception, but in most circumstances, I have found that it was never about me and more about what was happening to them at the time. His conditions were really in plight and on humanity wise I should help them...after what they had done to me...
~so when you will leave for boko tonight?~
~there wont be any buses running at this time of the day..~
I knew he had no place to go at this time and there was no point toying with him regarding all those things...it was radiating my his words... rather then following to my place he had no choice..
I asked Jayanta to stay the night with me at my place. And leave tomorrow morning. Moreover it was about to get dark...
~you want to have anything else? ~
~no~
~let`s go then~
I headed to the counter and asked for the bill. But Utpal (the owner) was in a sombre state with the cricket match to move his eyes from the tube to my face...
~how much? I asked while hit the table
He called Arup....Arup came and said 14 rupees for two teas and Gajha...i handed over fifteen and waited for the 1rupees.Again he was grooved to his interest .utpal was quite reluctant even to take and give the money..Is a match that much important than his own business I wondered...after having the moving back we walked back to my office.Baurah wasn't there when we returned. We sat again for in my cabin and started to tie-up the files and official documents...by the time I had finished...baurah was back..
`Baurah I will be leaving soon today..Please bare my work if any in my absence~
~yeah yeah sure~
~thanks~
~so a feast tonight huh! Meat or fish or both~ baurah and his laugh
All he can think about is food...his paunch was prominently scaling his love towards food...
`lets see baurah what I can get fresh in the market...fishes and meat are not good these days...~I stated with a smile..
~go to ganeshguri daily market there you will get fresh hilsa and rou.you knows. Yesterday evening after reaching home I carried a local rou for 125 rupees KG...i must tell the it was awesome...my Mrs cooked it with some Kordoi-tenga...even I had it today morning also before coming to office..My nephew came from village yesterday laden with a bag of kordoi-tenga...and vegetables... ~ baurah said
~I will surely check it out~
Baurah seems to have non-vegetable everyday from breakfast till dinner...
~what did your nephew got in his bag..Any vegetables...i can tell you what’s go good with what...~
How anyone can ask about such question .I wondered how some people can ask such with much thinking...whats this represents of one’s character. Those people who are straight-forward are good at heart or those who play with words while saying
~cucumber and some kordoi-tenga~jaynata replied
~you are saved Dilip..rou and kordoi what a combo..~
~yeah sure I will see to it..First let me go to the market~
Even I like fish a lot..I had plans to buy fish but thought to give a diplomatic answer to Baurah but couldn’t as he had already decided my menu for tonight.. We had heard his comments on the recipe touch to cook which fish with kordoi tenga in a manner which he likes it’s not the first time he did all this... I can vividly remember his buzz about foods which sucks to me but I never mentioned...
~Ok goodbye Baurah~
Jaynata hung his khadi bag slinging by his arm and we left.
I asked jayanata to leave first and I would be following him to the gate because I don’t wanted another person’s attention to us...else I had to reply them sooner or the later…as I will be like an stuff put for auction and people bidding questions..I could feel now only interested people rounding up with it seemed little bit ordered so it was ok to handle...meanwhile two three colleagues had already had their opening lines
~leaving soon today? Going home dilip da? I replied them with a fake smile..Why they don’t mind their business...
Jayanta had left and I too succeeded to elope from the office threshold. Then we walked till Ganeshguri daily fish market.
It was about to be dark so usual it was time for people to drop to shop...market was too chaotic and no wonder in pointing that out...people were all surging ahead.some stuck in the mid , some seeing the fishes ,some paying for their halves..I headed towards till the end...making sure where to get the good one but it all seemed the same...i moved to a boy whose radiance in face draw my attention rather then the fishes. He looked quite smart wearing a blue t-shirt which stated some funny slogan.
~how much~
~how much you want~
~why money varies with quantity or what? ~
~its isn’t like that dada...120 rou 110 kamal kath.130 for hilsa~
~give me some fresh hilsa then.~
~how much pieces you can make~
~15 to 16~
~fine make it 16 then~
The boy took a forked tool to clear up the top shell from the fish. Within a blink of an eye he cleared up all...
Handing two notes of hundred...The boy gave me one fifty note and two 10 rupees.
He handed the pieces in a black carry bag...we took them and moved to the bus stop...we look for the bus number 1 and boarded it..The bus was too frequent and we found no difficulty in getting one. .after that we reached Home...i opened the green grilled main gate.Lakhi was near the gate only plucking clothes from the clothesline. I introduced him to lakhi.
~where is Bapon~ i asked lakhi
~he will be in office~ she said
till then bapon havent returned back from office as it was still 5pm.Bapon was a central government employee but more of a civilian type. Central government too have civilian for doing their pheriphal works...lakhi was full of inquisition roller coaster
by the coming of Jayanta which she ran of late.
As for the first time someone from my side had came. There was chaotic disturbance in the whole ecosystem.Volanco of silent quarries were erupting inside her. Which was quite appealing, that what I derived from her gesture and her reverse gait...
she offered tea and biscuit to us. literally I didn’t like the way of offering tea in steel glasses.
It seemed so disrespecting kept mumb.jayant and I there after went to my room and talked about village
till bapon returned from office. Later he was introduced to jayanta...on moral ground he showed greeting.
What I going inside his mind was unpredictible, probably he behaved like usual days. And human nature is always unpredictable.
I thought of having a massive meal as I was joeys by the coming of my nephew..I don’t know a sweet rumination prevailed inside me..But I hardly dealt..As for now I was quite mastered to control my emotional dynamics..I went alone that evening to buy some fish, meat for dinner..Meanwhile I asked jay anta to sit in the TV room and watch so as to kill the time.bapon ad lakhi were also there. But I asked
jayanata to be comfortable,,.lakhi did start a chat with jayanta
.on the contrary she was she had a methodical approach to know the motive of jayantas coming..When I returned they were still chatting..But I hoped she had presumably collected all the information she need .I didn’t care..I handed those stuffs to lakhi and asked her to have a devouring meal for tonight.
She seemed to put a fake smile and moved unheedingly..But today she was not in a hospitable mood..That night we had a quality
meal..jayanta did add some comments..bapon said nothing but his barb meant it all..Lakhi forward a (Botha)
with beetle nuts and pan..jayanata took a piece and thanked her..after the dinner we had straight to my
room..i had a single bed..but he didn’t mind sharing..even he was too modest to do so..I asked him
about village, and those with whom I had shared my childhood,shops,schools..it was altogether a different
story as I could picture by jayantas word.jayanta told me how his father life had changed..how they had to face to get the basic amenities of life..now at this time when------was ill and they had no money, no land to mortage,no other source of hope to get help..he said his mother was quite sure they I would really turn up in this plight.
.I was really moved..I was from the beginning behind the coming of jayantya that there is really a different story behind it..but he was reluctant to ask for help, but for his family he had to..he sobbed while saying these words..
I was again afraid to tie my any relation but I was in a state of great dilemma..I asked jaynta to sleep as it was too late and them a lot of work to do that morning..I had despised all through my life my past..after 30-40 years again what life
was showing him..next morning I handed jayanta rupees 10,000..and asked him to leave now..I too handed him some of my cloths
...I took jayanta to the bus stand and waved a goodbye..jayanta did waved back..lakhi was there when I gave him 10000..then I headed to office..while returning back that evening I lakhi pointed out I should had handed jaynata those rupees..those people are no good for you..she said. this really pinched me..how my brother and his son can be categorised under the `those~..but I kept my
calm.
~~~for so long they had never cared to find out whether you were dead or alive..and now they from when no where came and made some emo stories to whirled around to seek your money..you were no Dhata karna to help them```interposed lakhi...
I got fused and could hold my calm as yelled back..
you better watch your word, before using them to my brother or towards his family ..else I am going to take that living shit out of you```i flabbergasted without a thought.
lakhi was perplexed by such rudra transformation of me and she understood my wrath and moved sulkily and left the room..
Later that night I did apologise to her for the brief account of what had happened.
~~I was concerned about you..I don’t believe you helping those people~~
~I know what is good, for me and I can deal with it~~I finished saying..
though I was not sure for my words..
..I guess that was the first incident that we had sowed of misunderstanding..but I didn’t want to spoil such a relation of 40 years..I tried not to do so and did everything to put the things back to place..despite my repeated doings something or the other did clashes..that was how a cold war blooms I guessed...lahki and bapon thought i will give all my money after my pension to my brother family
and they will get nothing..which I later came to know..but it was never discussed or talked to me..I wondered how people changes for money..Everything boils on money.