another day

As i sit in my college lab and leaf through these crispy pages of this novel `the banker of the poor` by Muhammad Yunus. A dexterous story teller bulldozing with a deft potential. A Nobel laureate 2006 for his pain taking obsession . this book dealt with the story from the grameen bank to the world bank when Bangladesh was dithered from the drought. people were not poor because they are stupid or lazy.they worked all day long,doing complex physical tasks.they were poor because the financial structures which could help them widen their economic base simply didn`t exists in their country.Its a structural problem ,not a personal problem. But today's generation wont give a flying fuck all these. Who cares anyway. When you are sheltered and your parents are filthy rich blokes.Ahh crap fuck the whole alliance. Today is 25 jan . and i am sitting to the brighter side of the sun. I am down to writing. I don’t know why i feel like am catching vibes and my creative cells are in motions and pleading me to write . i sometime feel i have shifted my base from a writer block to a blogger block. For some reason i am missing my sister and my father. She called me this morning and we talked for a while abt life and other mongrel subjects. When my father was alive i never respected him or talked to him. And when Valhalla had his soul i am feeling his absence. Some one has truly said `we learn the importance of a person when that person is not near to us` . seriously i never want to be like my father. He never cared for me or pried for me when i was in pain. My teenage was a angst for many reasons. I was a radical as many people say . Not lucky like my other counterparts. I have always lived my live in pieces. I have seen hungry people crying . i have touched them . i have cried so many sleepless night thinking about them. How can i be happy when so many pain are around us. All we people can do is living in a world of illusion and thinking everything is perfect. ITS FUCKING TAKES A BACKBONE TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE. I hail from a family where everyone failed to understand me. As i grew up i understand why. how many things stalked me as a kid. Anyway i am really at a dearth of any good reasoning for anything . i got no good metaphor to use. All these lines and word are useless like a weasel in a cardboard shirts . no bullet dozen points to sum up. Just my random ranting . sometime i am so thankful to my sister for introducing me to this literary world. When coeval of age group were busy mugging up text book lesson and extorting long essay i was chilling and reading Enid Blyton and Agatha Christhe on parallel universe. Even i don’t know how my voyage was from that age till now. and outcome is this bibliophile in me. Sometime i buy books more than i can read. Books are sweet dumpees. I am not a ravenous reader but whenever i can put my hands on any piece of column i eat it. I don’t care how much things will sink from my crevices but i read. All words and verses seems to falls in the sub-conscious pit of mine. They do come at service whenever i command them. Awesome !!

And when i am bored,i write. When i happy i write . When i am sulking i write. When i want to rant i write. When i want to write i write. My sister has been a tutelage harnessing my potential and fueling my grey cells. I really pride my life to have such a caring and understanding sister in spite of my vying level of craziness.Anyway. The most vexed topic for the gossip-mill is the ordained delhi tour . they ask me what on your travel card? Hmmm for right now no one even cared to make any plans with me and i am a scapegoat for be a recluse . what the fuck ! right now i am geographical challenged in this parallel universe. I cant reek out anything. A mystery wrapped in a conundrum for this eventful event. I don’t feel like leaving my base even. I got cart loads of friends in Delhi whom i haven’t met organically since ages. Just winged inbox sms and trunk calls. They left my domicile to the promise of good education and a promising career. Making their life a hell by leaving the lovely terrain of assam liek me. Few best friends and few acquaintances. What taking out the living shit out me is the bleak winters. My poor soul wont be able to stand its feral and infernal wrath of chillness. My body wont be equally endowed to this climate. Still i haven’t told anyone of my friends abt my coming .i just like the feeling when they say you are welcome: glomp. Somehow my lazy and sloth bones have properly mingled with this somnolent ecosystem of ICT.The subtle energy of laziness is so overwhelming that my thought provoking moments just escapes by. Lol. I wasn’t like that before i was quite agile,hyper kinetic . i don’t suffer from any moderate behaviour change but i cant deny the preposterous delusive world i am living in . i cant be inert to this ripping truth. Fuck why am i so lazy .

My mood is so languid right now . i am quietly sitting but inside my head i am yelling like a lunatic . sometime i am so foul mouthed. Sometime so sharp. My tongue is so multitinted liek a spork . my words sometime do no beauty justice . i rant. I abuse. I criticize . my words are like medicine. It smells like shit ,taste like shit. Hard to stomach but in the end it makes you feel better. A perpetual feeling embossed within you. Feelings that last longs unlike a fine mist on lawn which evaporates with the sunlight . i am again becoming redundant with my writing ..same self realizing bullshits. Its been a long time i haven’t delineated any poems.. all i am doing is writing craps and snippets. My brain power is on hiatus and i cant come up with any good piece of work. I hope this will be my last post of this month. My head compartments will be busy with other plumbing priorities like stupid college work and all. i seriously need to gel all my ducks in a row now.

Good bye blog =)

prime attraction -sayani

time-6.15 pm, location-college lab, With- Sayani, Kashif,Chandan cameo Amey
Background song- Banao Banao

All i can see are some digital temperature meter and some other digital meters gauging what make no sense to me. All these things falls rabbit holes like my stupidity. this aquiline features of me will surely render me one day.As the meter`s reading varies my boredom meter too empirically varies . Its crepuscular and acronycal hours . Birds are winging its way back home. flying away . The serenity of this hour is a way to welcome the next day`s edgy and rough touch of a chaotic day. this place seems like a recycling place to me where i come up with old ideas to regenerate new lines.yeah again more guffaws to be precise. I am writing ,while all are blabbing . These guys are bunch of fun loving people and can be welcomed everytime for a hangout. sayani is now coaxing me to dance why?? coz she is bored. does it make any sense anway?. noooo..i got no jelly feet. So that`s why we are just talking nonsense ..QUIT SPAMMING PLEASE. If they would have given medal for attempted stupidity surely Sayani would had bagged that prize .Now everyone is having that blank ape like expression. And i am making some ugly smirks . I am frowning at them . ah an old-timer look of mine. i being so humble,accommodating all there requests. if sayani was genetically engineered with a scrawny tail ,i would have swing her along the room. she is a gibberish queen. and in that case i am a deficient head of morals. after my comments sayani is still giggling ..my words couldnt deter her from attempting more nasty pranks like throwing granules at me and pulling kashif`s hair. this network where ever one is bored to a subtle level. invigorated sayani is now playing with a steel rules as if she is a re-incarnated form of maa durga. she is like mein tera sar kat dungi. .ah anyway i am feeling good though as she is making me laugh. smallest notes of life and i got a my own small dominated thing call Blog to write it. love you Blog=)

Roop and his mood at 13.54 hours Location- Hostel

i can`t listen to a love song ..when your thoughts keeps sweeping like a janitor. i realized it sooner or later how that harlot sings for herself .Every now and then .not anymore after that last whorefuck. i am still dreaming. renting to unleash the fuckity fuck. am stuck to the feral music , i am a thrasher and what more can u churn out of me. my cerebrum is playing some riffs and my veins are perfect for a perfect 5th chord. i am dithered and the horrorcore grunting and squealing of rhandy blythe is giving me eargasm . spit and spit .the love word seems liek a disaster. a masochist by profession. a art i am honing . i still think when you spelled your boo-bitch-craft, you nasty bitch. or am too kiddish watching disney channels.

roop and his mood at 1.05 pm location-IPC

come on boy smile. sorry baba . please forgive me . now what? i tried everything to fix the damaging words i uttered. i was just fussing while you honked your stupidity . see this how i am . i am classically fingered. atleast i am ture. i dont have a biased mind. my mouth is liek a perimeter of a gutter, still i am true. and why you hate a ture human being? coz i true. satire boy. i got canine and fangs too will you kill me for that. i am true atleast unlike others. fine from now on i wil be a mute character absorbing everything. i will avoid the antropy of my fauxpas. fine go. live in the world of self-illusion where people exploits you. where people are a;ways ready to mine-out your innocence. go for the lewd , who uses you. they will peel you off liek a orange and will throw you my friend. she is ninedaywonder ,she is a she-wolf. come on brother i will slew you and will make you feel better. but i really laud your ability to remain so polite aftermath the hostile conditions, she made you to face. seriously am a monster made out of this society with adequate efficiency to help you out..

feelings #3

here am again with a pent up bliss. unofficially am spruced in nice cloths (washed) yet typing with a scum filled distorted head. i like the way how i think. its beautifully beautiful and i really hate my weakness for it. today again when i saw ur face a lot of things refused to hum along but to be honest it thawed. the days spend with you are now jumbled memories. you are still here but i am closing you. you are no good. your sky got no sparks of shooting star. your are liek a star. desired by many,liked by most.. yet so alone. so aloofed. you don`t know what you want. what you like. you liek a book which people detest to open cause your each line each words reflects a probe for manipulations. you live in real world ,you live in virtual world. and now you r loosing a grip from your own manipulative existence. the dreams you had crumbled like a tonne of bricks. i reckoned you so many times with my boxing suggestions but you didnt heed. you are so lonely still you claim to a cynosure. fuck i dont go with the voxpopuli. you r dead from inside from the day you started finding your ture self. the reason is simple you are not true to your own heart. how you can be true to others? you r a song which no one cares to listen. your echoes are still in the labyrinth of everyone head. i pity your life my friend. live the life u want to live and stop jangling with maniacs.

feelings #2

My mouth has a different flavor today . i managed to bag some caustic fauxpas yeah which will volume for so bizarre. i got no clue what the heck is wrong with you my life? dear cupid next time u prong your arrow make sure you shoot her too. why am still on the list? i know she is not lark, she croaks like a sordid frog. as she walks by the mezzanine floor and gives that contagious smile i go batty. why i go loo about it? fuck i know she is valuable and all her analogy are so rustic. i don`t wanna be a infant and sob liek a high decibel freak. making myself a stone deaf forever. fuck still opposed by the annex of anxiety. i am no maker , am a dictionary of self love and self hate. so why to meal that thing . hmm yeah i am stilll unheard in the eternity by you ofcourse. soemtime i just sit and mull over. how people are all hue and unable to grapple what i mean to say. why are they so blind. i know the answer to most of the questions i dont ask. still i look that musical note from you mouth. people are strange when we are stranger and i am all bracketed in you. i know the rambling sounds you make . and i seriously hate that . this is not your first reality that you refuse to hum along. but you know what i still care for you....fuck i don`t know why

web-element

Reporting live from the four cyber wall junkie world of ict. they sobriquet it as IPC. why i am here yeah a dim witted flushing change? no no i am here because of the sordid foul mouth tongue lashing i got from my professor. they demands a lot and i am no such gusher of knowledge . all my intelligence can`t orchestrate with the way he want my tiny cogwheel to sync. Along with sayani i am here to scourge for some technical material. Just to spice up,my computer took full control over me,it can only find access to my blog and not to sciencedirect.satire NO way motherfucking .I cant elope from this place as sayani is busy rummaging for some research paper. its seems i am just running errand for someone. As feeling . rofl sayani is clicking and she is so irked as her system is woozy with her. she just said -kiya ghatiya computer hai ye?` X 3. why people click the mouse like zillion times when they knows its aint gonna make the connectivity smooth.freakk!! i am feeling good. everything seems so prompting . hammering my writing spate,ah in a different fashion. from old school writing to amalgamation of contemporary hautecouture parlance of phrasing. i got nothing to cream up with my today`s writing. why not describe the girl who is sitting next to me.hmmm really? she is totally stranger to me. she too is searching ,hunching over her system. she fits her bill perfectly unlike me. she is decked up in a sleveless kurta and a marooned pajama. i cant notice much ..she is giving me this cold looks now. God okay roop stop starring at her and fill this up.My message screams like anything today i mean my sms..yells. i am in blue and my words are in black.In the black letters on my bright computer screen.And, as I recline upon my not so soft chair i am lost in the transience of web world floating. With sayani i am just punching this tiny plastics buttons of keyboards ..Errrgghhh few sottage kinda words whirs through my stupid bubble and stricken head..words are just oscillating with no-clue fog while engulfing mist tumbles down to say that it. i am fucking bored. but what to do or write,its a gormless writing anyway .phew :)

you feeling fine

Back from a blogging hiatus. Like an everyday creche i was been played. Somehow i liked it. Really this year till now resonated to all positive vibes and falling on the mainframe. Some cumbersome alters here and there. Fragile dreams moulded into reality. Many hand scribed list were turned to give a nostalgia tread lane. Things oh my my. People croaked and made me deaf. i needed a messenger to carry all the thoughts and mental tribulation i was churning. Resentment later on were fishing out and making a smile arc. I was on cloud no 9. Many dreaded monster of my own creation carrying trident of intelligent phrasing were ON. Some feeble and genteel work need to be posted and hope i will stream it down. My head and people. grey cell functioning from the wrapped silver foiled . A multidimensional rack to be made. I was tired ,most of the time how many wild thoughts were swarming from my barren head and went live . brainstorming with a morbid lerve for a hideous yet embroiled with stark definition and ambiguities. My life is a more of a lover`s chapter and school of thoughts, thoughts which only tickle my way of self visionary. Palpable to people..i wanna be like a butterfly . oh god but why i sometime feel like i am dwelling in a warped multidimensional .I think i am being nudged quite often like a hideous devil’s wife.For me ,for you, for us ,you penned as morbid lover’s definition. I detest this abhorrence. This feeling of self pensive is more demanding like a prevalent illusion. Life seems like a verdict so unpleasant..Sizzling with chalice of loathe.i need my voice back . i need my words back .panacea of worldly assortment. I need a freedom from the resonating wicked vibrations. I want freedom in my own submission. Actually a feeling where we know nothing. Right in the epiphany moment where i am embracing all the absolute buses of randomness. I want to sing within myself. I want to be happy inside my own dripping womb. A fruit of beautiful self - righteous delusion. I want to speak the language to the corner of my head. I want to practise a self abomination haha yeah broken hearts occur in pairs and twosome. Fuck why do i care. A changed womb. My soul is too old now like a postcard stamp. My face is a address bar for you comopolised big apples of society. Fuck why do i care. Oh god.my life is not your paris live.i am a virgin which uncannily smells of of pretty pink and bloody red infatuation.Ah i am blabbing like a poetic moondust . still lost in the multidimensional or dimensional tribulation . i still sing the same song. Ufff..

not just one compact disc

what’s on my mind from last few days is this mesmerizing balmy tone garnished with baritone voice, a folk song in hindi. the song goes like baarve jharne--`ooo naa naa ooo haaa o baarve jharne ja ke dena sagar ko sandesha,suhana sapne le ke,tujhe pa diya. this songs dealt with the wild and amok stream. singer is using nature as a friend and asking her to convey all the love and care for the people. lyrics caries the humble and staid feelings as most of the songs were written in the Himalayas, the LP has a very obvious touch of nature, within its intricate details.As he played live, prior to each song he explained the themes to songs. ambient electronic, acoustic folk perfect for my ears.. Woops. My brain switched stations again and didn't bother to warn me. Such a jerk i am! A perfect cadence to wobble my ears. and it’s really nice to a part of this live gig.
Second on the line up was another song about nature. its about Rain.‘Baarish Ki Boondein’, its really carries the sound of the rain. He sang some Folk asomiya song following it up with another similarly-themed song, not featured on the album. From thereon, the gig went uphill despite the below par sound production by the Lower Parel venue
Really a talented folk song ,or a fusion one. When I came to know about the upcoming performance of papon i was really excited. He is one of the singer from the off-stream whom i like. i am not a great fan of asomiya (Assamese song), but Papon got an intriguing voice. This folk singer launched his debut Hindi album, The Story So Far (deets here) at Blue Frog, Mumbai on January 12, a few years too late.papon is one such type of singer who will give a spliff to the people who thinks hindi folk songs are boring. He can be so enigmatic, yet so simple. Every time i listen to him, the sing remains the same yet the feeling varies. i wonder sometime how a 5 or 4 minutes song can do so much marvel. One rule . he rules my boat among today`s off- beat song. We were four friends at blue frog ,lower parel. We hit the threshold by 9 pm and guzzled couple of tuborg pint.And i wasnt at all squiffy and for an hour we talked about different topics . The show started around 10.20 pm after some sound check. Angarag Mahanta (Papon) is one the most talent musician of India. Featured in The Dewarist and MTV coke studio. The East India Company`s singer Papon is a experimental singer. lyrically damn good. The album shows a progress in his sound from absolutely folk-sy to electronica influences in recent years. And he was cracking a lot of jokes during the gig and most of them were so so lame. And for an excuse he said-
“This is not me talking. It’s the whiskey”
And dropped ‘Naina Lagey’ by Midival Punditz (from their album Hello, Hello) in the movie Soundtrack. His earlier band was Midival Punditz along with world renowned tabla player Karsh Kale. ‘Boitha Maro’ garnered a massive sing along, clearly being a popular track amongst the crowd. What was amazing to see was the number of fans Papon has gained over the last couple of years, and the regional support he gets at gigs across the country. It’s really good to see that. And guess what was unexpected. Yeah Mohan and Koco (of Agnee) and Shilpa Rao (who also featured on an episode The Dewarists alongside Agnee and Parikrama; more here) joined the singer on stage for a short jam. It was gripping. He wrapped the set with ‘Banao Banao’, a song about Hemp ..haha what a befitting end to a horsepower packed performance which i wish had gone on for longer. And later i flicked CDs from the counter. Clicked some snaps with papon da and got my Lp singed yipeeee..

Ether

Another year folds itself ,sublimating a lot of things and memories and resentment .Some sweet thoughts and cart loads of regrets . Its new year eve and i am swamped in my chair .legs propped on the table and typing these.In a world so cold,internet is a warming and darling friend. Half of the December people were busy asking me about my new year`s plan. where are you going to celebrate new year`s eve or you are going to stay alone this time too. The first question comes from people who hardly knows me and the later from the people who knows me and always want to discover me. i dunno wanna pout my skeptical face again . Its there inquisitive nature. Its common to brew curiosity. Its not like people don't call me to spend time with them. Seriously NO i don`t wanna adept myself as a people`s guy.Just that i want to be alone this evening. Some of their lame lines and lame jokes make me more squeamish then i am before. I prefer to put my head inside an empty drum and yell and listen to my own echo rather than listening to those twat`s talk. but these people are really some of the wonderful people i have ever meet and they are so caring to me. Its not i am talking cranky pills and talking. It just real me. I am like the way i am . May be i am too paranoid for myself. Anyway there is no point of masquerading about it. I watched some of my all time romantic movies again. Bridget Jones Dairy and High Fidelity . perfect for the mood . I think its high time when i should be focusing on my virtues. I listed out some vital things which i need to achieve anyhow for myself and for people around who cares.And for people who labelled me as a loser. i wont dribble terrible things much on the things i don't have or things i can`t afford. i have to make the best use of the things i have. i will try to kill my ego as far i can. i wanna breathe and bloom . i don`t want the ugly head of ego to encumbrance me . i will not try to post any of my nihilistic drivel . i want my social life to burgeon from now on. i will think positive and i try to make myself happy. there is no point in juxtaposing nebulous and murky layers in me. i will be true to my belief which i am been deluding from ages. i know my strength and i will prowess each and every thing. i will feed myself with more pabulum and i will make good things out of me. some of the resolution which i need to work on are- ->firstly my web comics Generation Irony project. i want it to born and i will see it grow. From business or from fun point of view its important. i need to complete my novel which i am procrastinating from a long time. The old writing bug have spate and its in full spree now. Hopefully i will get time to meet my family by mid of this January . i haven`t meet my mother ,sister and brother in-law and two little devil . i want to read some good books this year.i want to helpful for the needy and hope God gives me the strength to face much of the adversities. i am a man of simple desires and i don`t want much . But for some reason i am thinking a lot. i want to exploit my hidden power and wanna see what i can do with it. just for a change. i must give it a try. i know my strength very well and my weakness too. i am no more a confused guy. confusion is a good thing though ,to find the answer we travel more within ourselves and we learn a lot. i will focus more on the spiritual side of me ,demystifying self. not like a ether sensation ,i want this unnamed burgeon feeling to last. hope the word i used get clawed through out the year.. anyway i wont mar this column much. I am in no mood to write now. cheers and have a good year ahead.