another day

As i sit in my college lab and leaf through these crispy pages of this novel `the banker of the poor` by Muhammad Yunus. A dexterous story teller bulldozing with a deft potential. A Nobel laureate 2006 for his pain taking obsession . this book dealt with the story from the grameen bank to the world bank when Bangladesh was dithered from the drought. people were not poor because they are stupid or lazy.they worked all day long,doing complex physical tasks.they were poor because the financial structures which could help them widen their economic base simply didn`t exists in their country.Its a structural problem ,not a personal problem. But today's generation wont give a flying fuck all these. Who cares anyway. When you are sheltered and your parents are filthy rich blokes.Ahh crap fuck the whole alliance. Today is 25 jan . and i am sitting to the brighter side of the sun. I am down to writing. I don’t know why i feel like am catching vibes and my creative cells are in motions and pleading me to write . i sometime feel i have shifted my base from a writer block to a blogger block. For some reason i am missing my sister and my father. She called me this morning and we talked for a while abt life and other mongrel subjects. When my father was alive i never respected him or talked to him. And when Valhalla had his soul i am feeling his absence. Some one has truly said `we learn the importance of a person when that person is not near to us` . seriously i never want to be like my father. He never cared for me or pried for me when i was in pain. My teenage was a angst for many reasons. I was a radical as many people say . Not lucky like my other counterparts. I have always lived my live in pieces. I have seen hungry people crying . i have touched them . i have cried so many sleepless night thinking about them. How can i be happy when so many pain are around us. All we people can do is living in a world of illusion and thinking everything is perfect. ITS FUCKING TAKES A BACKBONE TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE. I hail from a family where everyone failed to understand me. As i grew up i understand why. how many things stalked me as a kid. Anyway i am really at a dearth of any good reasoning for anything . i got no good metaphor to use. All these lines and word are useless like a weasel in a cardboard shirts . no bullet dozen points to sum up. Just my random ranting . sometime i am so thankful to my sister for introducing me to this literary world. When coeval of age group were busy mugging up text book lesson and extorting long essay i was chilling and reading Enid Blyton and Agatha Christhe on parallel universe. Even i don’t know how my voyage was from that age till now. and outcome is this bibliophile in me. Sometime i buy books more than i can read. Books are sweet dumpees. I am not a ravenous reader but whenever i can put my hands on any piece of column i eat it. I don’t care how much things will sink from my crevices but i read. All words and verses seems to falls in the sub-conscious pit of mine. They do come at service whenever i command them. Awesome !!

And when i am bored,i write. When i happy i write . When i am sulking i write. When i want to rant i write. When i want to write i write. My sister has been a tutelage harnessing my potential and fueling my grey cells. I really pride my life to have such a caring and understanding sister in spite of my vying level of craziness.Anyway. The most vexed topic for the gossip-mill is the ordained delhi tour . they ask me what on your travel card? Hmmm for right now no one even cared to make any plans with me and i am a scapegoat for be a recluse . what the fuck ! right now i am geographical challenged in this parallel universe. I cant reek out anything. A mystery wrapped in a conundrum for this eventful event. I don’t feel like leaving my base even. I got cart loads of friends in Delhi whom i haven’t met organically since ages. Just winged inbox sms and trunk calls. They left my domicile to the promise of good education and a promising career. Making their life a hell by leaving the lovely terrain of assam liek me. Few best friends and few acquaintances. What taking out the living shit out me is the bleak winters. My poor soul wont be able to stand its feral and infernal wrath of chillness. My body wont be equally endowed to this climate. Still i haven’t told anyone of my friends abt my coming .i just like the feeling when they say you are welcome: glomp. Somehow my lazy and sloth bones have properly mingled with this somnolent ecosystem of ICT.The subtle energy of laziness is so overwhelming that my thought provoking moments just escapes by. Lol. I wasn’t like that before i was quite agile,hyper kinetic . i don’t suffer from any moderate behaviour change but i cant deny the preposterous delusive world i am living in . i cant be inert to this ripping truth. Fuck why am i so lazy .

My mood is so languid right now . i am quietly sitting but inside my head i am yelling like a lunatic . sometime i am so foul mouthed. Sometime so sharp. My tongue is so multitinted liek a spork . my words sometime do no beauty justice . i rant. I abuse. I criticize . my words are like medicine. It smells like shit ,taste like shit. Hard to stomach but in the end it makes you feel better. A perpetual feeling embossed within you. Feelings that last longs unlike a fine mist on lawn which evaporates with the sunlight . i am again becoming redundant with my writing ..same self realizing bullshits. Its been a long time i haven’t delineated any poems.. all i am doing is writing craps and snippets. My brain power is on hiatus and i cant come up with any good piece of work. I hope this will be my last post of this month. My head compartments will be busy with other plumbing priorities like stupid college work and all. i seriously need to gel all my ducks in a row now.

Good bye blog =)