sideline man

SIDELINE MAN(ME)

i like to start this article with a very nice sms sent to me ` i will stay close to you till my
presence doesnt hurt you.i will back silently away from you,once i feel that my presence irritates
you`

i can surely tell everyone touches someones life . sometimes life colour us in so many vivid colours.that we forget that all colour got different meanings and values,which we misunderstand..sometimes we love some colours so much that we want them all thorught out our life..sometimes we are fortunate and sometimes we are not.,why some new colour becomes so important that we tend to forget the basic values and our minds keeps on thinking about them only.and how some colours, colour our fabric of life with so much depth and everlating memories..
and i know not what all these.. we should know some colour blooms and bleeds with time. some colour dont have that much of solubility parameter to gel with someones life..some sweet and pleasing colour are ephemeral and transitory,here today gone tomorrow. still we miss those colours in our life..sometimes we become so desperate that we just bloke and confess what in our mind..we sometimes cant control our sensory inputs. i dont know about others but i want to keep it simple and platonic.though i may not that lucky in colour of love and i dont want to test my mettle as a loser again and again..im much comfortable with my memories..that hurts but it is atleast better..you may say i live in a world where i am victimized by love but i am much comfortable being victimised by you..some part of me is so afraid to loose you again so i dont want to start or do anything damaging..i know you are very mellow and you had no intentions to hurt me.though i was deeply hurt and i had no one around to sublimate my pain.i choked it by myself..i can tell, it really made me pathos..
all my senses were freezed..i just couldnt think of anything else..why such feeling aroused.why heavy dose of nostalgia setted in.that distress i will never forget.i was claustrophobic-ally packed with anguish and dementia.i still remember what you said LOVE IS NOT BY FORCE..and i guess thats truth.it was my first time and i promised to myself i wont fell again in love.i cant see myself rendered catatonic again.i wont let this pain cycle repeat again.my innerself is much stronger now then peoples hymns of hatred.i have started believing in faith from now one.. sometimes we are not even sure why God has painted us with such colour. And sometimes we are mistaken too. i wish i was never painted,my default blackened heart was better. my heart that is calcified with pain will really take time to get polymerised with love or no love.i wont say you anything nor blame you(YOU) for making a mockery of out my life.i know you had no intention to hurt me. i was a dolt to fell for someone.. i am still in the infancy period of romance and always will be. loving someone and yearing for someone to love you back are two differnt thing. some are fortunate and some are not..and im the later one. sometimes only by thinking about someone or yearning someones sms to ping in your cell phone is so tangible that you can spend days thinking about them..we should be grateful always to God that he has put a nice shade of colour into ones life. people always says you will know when a right person walks into your life. but does the same thing happens to the other person. or its an mindless illusion..if its a illusion too i find it warm and tangible..i can wrap it all around throughout my life. really i dont want to leave the comfort of such feelings..
i know all the thing are not that easy to understand. people say love comes your way..i just tried to grope for lights but i failed.i want to ask is it wrong if we give it a try.is it like that i am disposing my opportunities if im true to you.i confess my mind is such a labyrinth that i really lost all my senes in loving you..now am in that stage that where im left alone..my soul is empty and hollow.but i promise that i will strive to regain your respect again .but on your part you may be true and bold to deal with the conditions..i dont want to understand LOVE again..i know how it feels..last month Cupid had played its favorite passtime game at my expenses..a expenses that is inexplicable..a feeling that is inexplicable..i believe law of attraction exists and no one is exempted.Cupid just left me cliffhanging..and i will hanged till my last breath like this in your feeling.i guess some feelings should never be unveiled..i was fool to toodle my feelings for you. i respect you for being nice and honest to me,rather than playing with me..i am gald being a sideline man.i wont ask any more favour also.i know someday you will get someone better than me,who will care for you a lot..i may not be that good for loving and i am not mouthing for some dramatic words here again
.everything just evokes memories.so im putting them in words.its time i should be pragmatic and deal with the situation.i wont ask you much whats wrong with me.i just want to see you happy..my love equation will never be solved..

( blah blah ) love is shit lol