demystified

It seems i need some more recalibrated form of myself ..i have sorted out something for self upon which i am ought to tread. Few sturdiest regime for the time being ..

1. don’t read novel/magazine .stick to blogs and short snippet..write more..like a page everyday.

2. do regular push up.

3. chant hare-krisna mahamantra everyday four times(108 x 4=432 times) on japa

4. read two slokas everyday from Bhagvad Gita.

5. Stop eating kurkure.

6. try to go to temple every Sunday.

7. stop listening to progressive rock...its making me more emo. Stick to old school thrash and heavy metal.

Being tardy all these while . No i was not on a hiatus or something. I was busy with some of my own work. Juggling lots of things. Ah what i can say. I am not a student of literature or people profoundly used to student of solitude. I was sublimating with lots of dreams. I am into my cocoon of faeces doing something (something is what i like it to say for the time being) . Tonight i will be sleeping off my confusion .I am so confused right now. my head space/brawl is playing cerebral badinage. A moth smoke seems to frisks with me. They say when life gets tough get tougher.. totally profuse . fluid dynamics turbulence can be felt inside my mental crome. An ganglia of random thoughts can be felt. Its been a long time my fingers or ball pen have strewn any things . I pick my words and meet the inside of me to paint the dreamscape that i want to. As i peek through the tunnel of life, i want to redefine my life which i been doing since a long time. How will you the know the misconception that is boiling inside me. It take s such a heavy when that you don’t want to see me. It is a new day and i am all revised. One more step that is waiting for me. I am downing in my system. Hope i know myself despite all the things. The buzz inside me, within me,pain within me. the lubrication within me keep me going. i won’t take take that step.i don’t want to drag much of me into all my sense of to my reality. My dormant existance is my way of loosing up. This my life. I am calling myself. A mere proof of existence without you. I am out of love..everything seems so good ,may be the reason is you not having around. The thick crimson pushed the scene like a transparent metaphor. When all my proverbial words seems to commit suicide. It’s a reason to get back to you. It’s a backward direction which makes no sense. You`re beautifully wrapped in shy glances and a delicious aura of silent smile. Your memory seems to wear off. this erasing effect is so prevalent. I no more long for you. I want to script the way i want my life to be. I let my thoughts trigger ,i don’t make any effort. I don't know how it happened, but there it lay, at the bottom, in pieces. I didn't notice the vodka filled glass until it was the last thing left sodden in the sink. I didn't notice its brokenness until my finger scraped against its edge and blood slowly swirled into the swimming water. It was beautiful, in a very wrong way. I am still in the reminiscent of treading all the path where the things are left. To see the thick crimson slowly push through the clueless transparent. Life seems to fall from the path where i have left it . i have picked up the downtrodden things. To form patterns that were graceful in their motion. It was the kind of beauty that captures your attention because of its unexpectedness. It was strange to watch it all slowly disappear into pink fading . I wish it would have lasted a little longer. Pale pink. The kind of color that makes one crinkle their nose and look away.like the way i wanna move.. like the way i want to groove.
i wish i could ask a lot from this life. My soul is no more of mine.i wish i could see the stars again with that smile.i donnu when you told me you drew a line and all the i was not allowed to jump in the astral sky along with you. Its fine. Hope all stars shone for you. I will dither in my own miseries. I don’t wanna write more about all. wish i could have said what in my head. I am a coward . i am intertwined in my own limitation as i have said before. Fine i wont tiptoe with my own heart feelings. I am smiling just by thinking about you. I need to shift through the random and picking up my bits from the esplanade of my mind to vagabond. I can’t ask more.

As i am alone now and all the dappled lights seems to focus on my study table. I am really scared like the way i am wasting my time. My days are passing by quickly, leaving behind a vague scent of having existed. My head need new things to keep myself buy. Old stuffs irks me out. I don’t want time when i can find time to linger between thoughts, to ponder over words.Which i do most of the time. I am going to miss this living area. Being able to navigate through the dark without stubbing my toes. I will miss all the writing that it has inspired off me. The way it attached itself to my thoughts and the way it adapted to whatever I was reading. Experiencing. Never hindering. Always cajoling. Encouraging. Allowing me to drift off to another world. I am going to miss falling asleep here. And the feel of the floor under my bare feet. I need to buy some more stuffs of worth reading or get hooked to some serious writers work. All the writing are waste. Same mundane typecast bullshit. its late night and i am owl and typing. Seriously i need to rest now. my guide will be coming to college tomorrow. I can see a papercup lying on my floor. Haha one more day it has saved it self from the sweeper. Let me keep it and preserve it. Ah i like paper cups. They are kinda sweet. I like the gentle curves . i know they are kinda sassy for a guy to say all those. But who gives a fuck . i like it. The celing fan is rotating and bellowing all my hanged shirts and cloths accordingly. The nocturnal moon seems to be weeping and its light seems cascading into the room.

My fingers touch the bottle of water and the dripping from the water bottle seems to have a reason as of now. Its kinda subtle for me to understand. Or maybe i am trying to drawn stupid reason for everything. Ah that what a inebriated body acts maybe: P. The gushing thoughts and powerful words ..is pushing me back and forth . i dnt wanna practise what in my memory and where my mind is taking me now.... good night J (apology for the shoody grammar and lines)