Lost Child

There is this time in my life,where everything seem to fail ,a part of me. My loved ones and the ones that died, flowers  that refused to blooms, my life. When I hear of this word `life’, I feel, I could kill myself. What is so lively in living? Actually it’s the thoughts that buzzes inside of me, that corrodes me. Thoughts that are calcite, I feel, I am shackled up in the grime and the tentacles of passing days, which are pulling me in the depth of black abyss.  I am in so much pain, I feel so weak, so helpless. I know it all in myself, but its screeching give me a migraine. Longing for a passed child.

Whole day I sit and watch the clock, the time doesn’t pass by and I feel helpless as I can’t do anything. I can see the future turning darker, I can feel the changes of hues, in the blackish tones. No one, near me to share what I feel. I cannot talk to anyone, I am gulping down my own poison.

Evenings are the times, I guzzle down liquor and seem to ease away my pain and the fluid slowly numbs my thoughts to hurt me more.

How long I have to fight this battle, how long I will be subdued. How long will I waste myself? As I flip back the pages of life, I realize what a weasel  am. So, weak to the bones, no spine to fight against life. Life , I wishes you were a bit more harmonious to me. Wish we reconcile and tame the life, in a profusely beautiful manner. And the next breathe I take, give me a comfort and a reason, and help me live a more respectable life.

The morning I face myself, in front of mirror, it brings slight joy, rather than those unseen scars that makes me sulk. Full with desolation.  I no more want to walk in the battered life, alleys, when I lost my innocence and the virginity to a caustic life. Please! lord hear me out, ease away my pain, or subdue my pain, so give me enough valor to breathe my last.

Amen!