Orchids

I will live ..i will live ..forgetting about the sweet fragrance of the orchids my father got us when we were kids..My elder sister grafted it in our coconut trees..Always watering and I watched as she did that..i miss how he used to curl me with love..i miss whatever words came to his mouth ..Fresh, wet and soothing..How we used to play monopoly game or how we used to play quiz games...And now what is left is lifeless dirt by my side..Soulless crumbs of pointless filth..Sometimes i miss his demise...his leaving is life proliferating..Growing and spreading like a dark turbid pain..Since birth till my education how he dried me like a clay, compacted and shaped me..Keeping me away from vices..but i proved to be a black ship of the family..sorry dad..life scooped me and made me evil..The evil womb framed me such..Last time when i went to guwahati i visted ur cremation places.. yearning for the steady warmth of the burial ground to see u resurrected ..i had to leave soon as it’s a lifeless route now..i sometime miss u and want u to be back from the deaths department..i still remember how i gave you mukhagani ..How the flames sliced your goddamn face open.. The white colour still reminded me of you..the last dress u wore..How i kept my eyes open and saw ur shadow burned forever by my side, your ashes were just out of my reach. .how i felt when i saw Maa after the ritual...as if you stare right at the sky-blaze and remain motionless for some second..My sister came and tried to take me...but i stand still as a ball of wax ready to melt under the sun...The anguish of demise traces the bars and tore me into halves.... Time has distilled within it the rudiments of your death..i know death will always stalk us. Sometimes too gently..But we have to move on.. i did sense traces of your fingertips by the orchids blooming in our campus last time..And that was a remembrance of you.....